Promoting Differences
Nicole Julien
East Olympia WA USA
From NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 18 No. 1, January-February 2001, p. 14
While pregnant with my second
child, I was often concerned about how to promote harmony between a
brother and sister 18 months apart in age. I wondered how to go about
being fair to both. At a La Leche League Series Meeting, some of the
mothers with more than one child suggested ideas that were new to me.
They pointed out that being totally fair all the time is impossible
and that trying to be fair isn't really fair to either child since they
each have different needs. They suggested that I promote their individual
strengths instead.
In the past three years since
my daughter, Linden, was born, my husband and I have tried to promote
a balance between fairness and individuality. But when her third birthday
drew near, we really had to think hard about what to give her as a present.
She seemed to have the same interests as her older brother: superheroes,
dinosaurs, and cowboys. He also managed to steal and hide her toys whenever
he wished. We wanted to find something that would be just for her, something
that he couldn't take away.
In the months before her
birthday, we often talked about weaning and how it would be time to
stop nursing when she turned three. When the big day arrived, she made
it clear that she wasn't ready. I think it was partly because breastfeeding
was one of the few things she did that he did not. This was something
he could not take from her. Truly, breastfeeding was a special gift
and one with more lasting benefits than any toy. It fit her individual
needs, not some arbitrary standard of fairness.
We don't talk of weaning
any more. I know that as Linden grows she will find autonomy in other
ways. Now her brother's new interest is playing with other boys, while
she is discovering some of the more traditional joys of girlhood like
fairy wings, ponytails, and baby dolls. By continuing to meet her need
for breastfeeding, I feel that we reassured her that we respect her
as an individual. In doing so, I find that there is greater harmony
between my two children, and that is something everyone in the family
can appreciate.
Last updated 11/16/06 by jlm.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:29:22 UTC 2007.
