Mother-to-Mother
at the LLLI Conference
By Julie Allen
Shivel
Kennebunkport, Maine USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 18 No. 1 January-February 2001 pp. 32-33
I began my journey to Orlando,
Florida, for the 16th LLLI conference last summer with my 10-month-old
daughter, Elly, at Richmond International Airport in Virginia. After
boarding the plane, I found my seat and began talking with the woman
seated next to us. Within a few minutes, she was talking about her daughters,
ages 28 and 30 years old. When I told her where I was headed, she said
that she had been a member of La Leche League when her daughters were
nursing babies.
My flight plan now included
a lay-over in Detroit, where I met two women heading to Orlando: Claire,
a Leader from Detroit who was travelling with her two boys and husband;
and Chiki, a mother from the Philippines with Rachel, her seven-month-old
daughter.
Upon arrival in Orlando,
I spotted a woman at the airport with her daughter in a lovely pink
and silver sling. I remembered talking with a friend about whether to
order one after seeing the swatch. I started a conversation with her
which led to an incredible afternoon. We both boarded the shuttle bus
to the hotel, talking as we rode. As a single mother nursing her two-and-a-half-year-old
child, she lives an hour away from an LLL Series Meeting, but still
chose to join LLL. NEW BEGINNINGS is very important to her, she said,
explaining that an article she'd read about picking strawberries with
a child helped her get through a tough time. As the article explained,
it was the ripe strawberries that were easy to separate from the plant,
just as children separate more easily from their mothers when they are
ready. She'd been under criticism for extended breastfeeding and of
the strawberry had sustained her.
We tried to be sensitive
to other people on the bus, so our language was discreet. After 20 minutes
or more, an older woman sitting with her husband asked if we were attending
the LLLI Conference. She introduced herself as Mary White! I had such
a panic wondering if, as a Leader, I'd fairly and constructively represented
LLL. Mary and her husband Greg were delightful and talked about their
daughter who lived in Charlotte. My excitement grew.
Once settled in the hotel,
I was able to reunite with several Leaders from my area. What a luxury
to stay up late talking with these incredible women! Many of us had
left our older children at home with fathers and grandparents, and it
was a unique opportunity to share some of our common concerns and stunning
joys in mothering.
It took me more than 24 hours
to get in touch with my husband and son on the telephone. It was my
first time away from my three-and-a-half-year-old son for so long. When
I talked with him, he told me, "My plan and Daddy's plan is that
you come back to the farm - today." It was my first experience
with longing to be with him, yet being separated. I remembered something
I had read in Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish's book How to Talk So
Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. "Give to them
in fantasy what you cannot give to them in reality." So I talked
to him about how wonderful it would be if I could appear at home right
away. It satisfied him, but somehow I wasn't appeased. I decided I wouldn't
leave my fellows behind for the 2001 International Conference in Chicago.
I'll bring them with me!
Later I heard Anwar Fazal,
chairman of the World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action (WABA), whose
words inspired me as if I were a soldier moved into action through a
general's charisma. He reminded me that breastfeeding is important to
our communities - to our world. His comparison of Hiroshima's fatalities
to the deaths of non-breastfed infants in one month was unforgettable
for me.
My first session was Carol
Lee Flinders' talk, "Lighting the Candle, Tending the Flame."
She talked about feminism and the stay-at-home mother. She described
the ills of materialism and lack of a home-centered life. Her material
was thought provoking and she challenged us to view the tension and
conflict between self-satisfaction and mothering as the wellspring for
creativity.
Dr. Jack Newman's comments
at his luncheon speech were extraordinary, funny, accurate, and ever
so slightly skewed! I laughed for days when I remembered his stern and
authoritative prescription. "Mrs. X, your baby's bilirubin is too
low. Put that baby to the breast for 48 hours!"
In my first evening session,
I sat in the rear with Elly. A mother and her son from Puerto Rico soon
joined us. The toddler played with my daughter the whole session, and
when he left, he kissed us!
One of my conference roommates
returned to the room full of excitement one afternoon because she'd
won a book in one of her sessions. When another roommate attended a
session with the same speaker, he used the same technique, so she knew
how to acquire the prize. That evening there were two excited women
in the room with books third won - about housekeeping! The spirit of
cleaning was certainly elevated in our suite.
One day, I was carrying my
sleeping daughter onto the escalator when an older woman caught up with
me and grasped my arm to help me balance. One glance at her face and
nametag identified her as Viola Lennon. As we rode down, she made several
flattering remarks about LLL mothers. As we were parting at the bottom
of the escalator, she told me, "My children learned some very wonderful
parenting skills..." I was thrilled to hear that she thought that
way about her incredible work, when she continued, "from my League
friends!" Although I have no doubt that Viola was an incredible
mother and role model for us all, she reminded me not only that we become
what we surround ourselves with, but our children have an opportunity
to grow that way, too. I can't wait to surround myself with those people
at the next LLLI Conference!
Reprinted from the Spring
2000 issue of Rocking Chair, the Area Leaders' Letter for La
Leche League of North Carolina.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:29:31 UTC 2007.
