Focus on Fathers
A Father's Weaning
Jennifer Morris
Babson Park FL USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 21 No. 1, January-February 2004, pp. 26
My husband has been weaning
our son, Sam, who is almost four years old. No, not that kind of weaning-Sam
stopped breastfeeding during my second pregnancy, when he was about
27 months old. Now, Sam is weaning from an important part of his bedtime
routine.
As of the summer of 2001,
Sam no longer nursed to sleep, and at first we wondered what would happen.
Sam was always one to fight sleep, so we crossed our fingers and hoped
that he'd fall asleep. I had come to rely on quickly nursing him to
sleep and having the rest of the evening free.
Since he weaned, one of us,
usually me, would sit with Sam, holding his hand until he relaxed his
grip and drifted off to sleep. Sometimes, this would take over an hour
and a half, and I'd often come out of the room exasperated. We wondered
if the process would ever speed up.
As the due date approached
for our second baby, my husband, Erik, took over the bedtime routine.
We knew that a new baby would probably not adapt well to my prolonged
absence at that time of the night.
Before long, Erik was the
exasperated one. We wondered if we'd done the right thing all these
months. Did nursing him to sleep leave him without the ability to fall
asleep on his own? Once in a while, we tried other techniques, but we
quickly dismissed these ideas because they didn't fit with our parenting
style. We simply could not leave the room until he was deeply asleep.
We realized that he'd wean
from this need, just as he weaned from his need for nursing. He needed
to fall asleep with someone holding his hand, just as deeply as he needed
mother's milk as a baby.
The time that Sam required
Erik to hold his hand grew shorter and shorter. Eventually, Erik discovered
that he could leave the room for brief periods. Occasionally, though,
Sam would call out for his daddy or come out of the room to find him.
Then, just last night, Erik
remarked, "Wow! He doesn't need me so much at bedtime. It's hard
to believe. He used to need me to sit with him for at least an hour.
Now, he's happy for me to sit with him briefly after stories and a kiss
goodnight. Our little guy is growing up."
I think my husband feels
the same way that I did when Sam stopped nursing. It is bittersweet
when a child weans. The sweet, tender memories are forever etched in
our hearts, and the frustrating times are quickly forgotten. Erik and
Sam shared many precious moments as they sat holding hands. Their bedtime
routine ended gradually, just as our nursing relationship did-gently,
and with love.
Last updated Tuesday, October 24, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:29:51 UTC 2007.
