The Instinct to Breastfeed
Katie Morgan
Canby OR USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 23 No. 1, January-February 2006, pp. 17-18
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to breastfeed my babies. Little did I know that my desire to
breastfeed would one day be put to the test. Our son, Eric Sicar`u, was born on a beautiful June afternoon on our
back patio in a tub of warm water. The birds in the oak trees above us sang him his first song, and my husband and
I felt so blessed to have welcomed him into this world with such a peaceful and lovely experience. He showed
interest in breastfeeding within minutes of birth, and one of our midwives helped him latch on for the first time.
The first day was euphoric, but after the second and third days, I began experiencing nipple pain. I thought this
was normal because I had heard that the first couple of weeks can be very difficult. But after two weeks, I decided
that we needed help because my nipples were getting worse rather than better, and Eric wasn't gaining much
weight.
I made an appointment with a lactation consultant who had been recommended to me by a friend, and as I began to
explain our troubles to her, I burst into tears, not realizing until that moment how utterly exhausted and hopeless
I was feeling. The first thing she noticed was that Eric had a tongue-tie, which meant that he couldn't stick his
tongue out very far. She weighed Eric and watched me breastfeed him in an uncomfortable chair in a position I had
never tried before, and under the very bright lights of her tiny office. This was not exactly a relaxing atmosphere
for me or my son. After he had breastfed for about two minutes, during which time I felt no let-down, she weighed
him again and he had only taken one-eighth of an ounce of milk. She was very concerned and said that I might have a
hormonal deficiency because I wasn't producing enough milk. I will never forget her saying. "Let's face it.
You can't get blood out of a turnip." This made me feel worthless as a new mother. She also said that Eric
would never get a good latch-on with "that tongue" and that it needed to be clipped immediately. After a
few other emotionally damaging comments, she sent us home with a recommendation for blood tests, the herbal
supplement fenugreek to increase my milk supply, a recommendation for a tongue clip for Eric, and two cans of
formula for supplementing him after every nursing session. She led me to believe that I would probably have to
supplement him with formula indefinitely. I was devastated, but we followed her advice. We needed to feed Eric.
I made an appointment with our primary care physician for Eric to have a procedure to clip his tongue called a
frenectomy, and for me to get blood work done. Upon seeing Eric's tongue, the doctor decided it was not tight
enough to need clipping, and that our latch-on problems must have another cause. He quickly finished with me and
left, leaving me feeling desperate for a solution. My nipples felt as though they were going to fall off and I
sobbed through every breastfeeding session. My husband was very supportive and understanding of my desire to
exclusively breastfeed, since he was breastfed for a very long time and also feels a strong conviction that breast
is best. But, I think neither of us knew what else to do. We just wanted our son to be healthy and strong.
The next few days were a blur of uncontrollable sobbing with me repeating to everyone, "I just want to feed
my baby!" I felt like the animal within me had been released and that my desire to breastfeed successfully was
an instinctual drive that had power over my rational thought. My lab results all came back normal. In fact, my
naturopath friend said they "looked great" and she saw no reason why I couldn't produce enough milk. All
this time I was in close contact with our midwife, Celeste, who also happens be my brother's wife. She expressed a
great concern for me after hearing the lactation consultant's negative comments and seeing my distraught condition,
so she recommended I meet with her friend, Meg, who is also a lactation consultant. I decided to call Meg as a last
attempt at fulfilling my dream of exclusively breastfeeding my son. She was so positive and encouraging during that
phone call that I wanted to see her immediately. I was also comforted by the fact that she successfully breastfed
her tongue-tied son and knew firsthand about the issue. We made an appointment for her to come to my house, which
wasn't for another four days. All of my hope was placed in waiting those four long days. I'm so thankful for the
wonderful support I received during that time from my husband, my mother, and my sister-in-law, Celeste.
When Meg came over, I immediately felt that I didn't have to explain my "animal instinct" to
breastfeed, and I was so relaxed because we were in my own home, with my own couch and pillows around me. She
watched me breastfeed Eric and gently showed me some position changes that helped Eric have a better latch-on. I
couldn't believe it, but all of a sudden I realized that he was breastfeeding and I had no pain! It was a miracle
and I suddenly believed that we were going to make it after all! She warned me that as Eric and I learned these new
techniques, there would still be ups and downs. The next few weeks were filled with moments of euphoria and
frustration as my son and I both learned how to breastfeed. We were like two clumsy people learning to dance
together. But the most important thing to my husband and myself was that the day after Meg's visit we were able to
stop giving Eric formula. My milk supply became so plentiful that he grew and grew until he weighed in the 90th
percentile range! What a chub!
After about two months, I began attending La Leche League meetings, and I have been going ever since. There I am
able to share experiences with other mothers who place the same value on breastfeeding. It took about four months
until I could breastfeed Eric in any position, in any place, and at any time with no pain.
Breastfeeding finally became the lovely, pleasurable bonding experience I had imagined. Our son is now almost
two and I am eight months pregnant with our second child. We're getting the back patio set up again in preparation
for his or her arrival this summer. Eric and I still sit down for "a la la" several times a day, and I
look forward to our next endeavor: tandem nursing! I can't imagine what mothering my child would be like without
the breastfeeding relationship we share.
Last updated Friday, October 13, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:30:33 UTC 2007.
