The Inner
Journey of Motherhood
Stephanie Mattei
Capron, IL USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 17 No. 4 July-August 2000, p. 122
We provide articles
from our publications from previous years for reference for our Leaders and
members. Readers are cautioned to remember that research and medical information
change over time
Recently, a friend encouraged
me to undergo the Keirsey Temperament Sorter Tests as a helpful tool
for my journey of self-discovery. And what a discovery did I make this
morning! While reading and answering questions, I became aware of the
transformation that is taking place within my being. Taking the test
made several changes clear to me. The test included questions such as:
- Which rules you more:
your head or your heart?
- Are you more inclined
to be fair-minded or sympathetic?
- Which do you wish more
for yourself: clarity of reason or strength of compassion?
- Are you more drawn toward
convincing or touching?
- Are you more interested
in what is actual or what is possible?
- Are you more: firm than
gentle or gentle than firm?
- Is it worse to be unjust
or merciless?
While answering, I came to
realize how much my outlook has changed. In the past, I feel I valued
the first choices more, (i.e., the head more than the heart, fair-mindedness
more than sympathy). But in the last few years, my outlook has changed.
I have developed the other characteristics more. Much to my surprise,
I found myself answering that I now value the heart more than the head
and mercy more than fairness. Had I not taken the test, I would not
have recognized this subtle shift in my value system. I asked myself
what actually triggered my inner transformation. The image of drops
of water came to mind. An imperceptible trickle of water dropping on
a stone will eventually create a hole in the stone. Consistency and
the passage of time create the change. So, what has been the trickle
of water in my life?
I feel that LLL has been
the consistent influence that transformed my life. I developed the courage
to follow my heart in mothering my son from ideas I heard at LLL meetings
and read about in books from the Group Library. This led my husband
and I to choose a style of parenting that is different from the way
we were parented.
LLL taught me that discipline
can be intertwined with respect for the child's personality, consideration
of the age and stage of the child, and acceptance of the child's capabilities.
Through the example of my
co-Leaders, Amber and Sue, and the readings they recommended, I learned
to value firm, consistent parenting that included gentleness and sensitivity
to my son's feelings. Children see the world differently than adults.
What seems logical to parents may seem unfair to them. And what appears
reasonable to them may appear nonsensical to us! When conflicts arise,
empathy and compassion can bridge the gap between parents and children.
Lovingly guiding our children becomes easier when our way of relating
to them is firmly rooted in the security of compassion and an appreciative,
caring, and reassuring heart.
The job of parenting actually
lies in our capacity to see beyond actual facts and behold the potentials.
It is a balance of encouraging our children without pushing them, respecting
their limits without limiting them, and drawing the best out of them
without putting conditions on our love.
The experience of holding
my totally dependent and needy baby at my breast enabled me to really
taste the flavor of a sympathetic and compassionate heart. My breastfeeding
experience with my son Giacomo helped me realize how important touch
is and how much may be communicated through it. My son is now almost
three years old, and is very articulate. But we still cherish the silent
language of love through breastfeeding.
My daily endeavors in the
job of parenting are teaching me that we all are unjust at times. This
realization humbles me. Giacomo's readiness to forgive my mistakes time
and again enlightens me on how powerful forgiveness is in our fragile
relationships.
Well, thank you my friend,
for proposing the Keirsey exercise to me! And thank you LLL for transforming
my soul!
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:30:37 UTC 2007.
