(not so young) Mothers and Breastfeeding
Janice Merrill Batzdorff
Studio City CA USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 19 No. 9, July-August 2002, pp. 124-27
When you hear the term "older
mother," what image comes to mind? A woman who started having children
at a younger age who is still adding to her family? A first-time mother
in her mid-to-late 30s or 40s? Someone who has wanted for a long time
to have a baby, whose dream has finally come true? Perhaps you've even
known or heard about a woman who had a "late-in-life" baby.
Or perhaps you are that woman!
A lot of the issues faced
by women who would consider themselves older mothers are the same as
those faced by all mothers. At the same time, some challenges come more
to the forefront as a mother gets older.
Women who give birth for
the first time past the age of 35 do so for a variety of reasons, in
a wide range of circumstances. Some have chosen to reach a certain level
in their trade or profession, or wanted to establish a financial cushion,
before having a baby. Others may have married later, or needed to resolve
some of the difficulties of their own childhood before approaching parenthood
themselves. Still, others may have had to wait until an innovative fertility
treatment enabled them to conceive.
Older mothers have babies
with their original spouse, with a new partner, or as a single parent.
They may have grown children, grandchildren, or stepchildren when they
give birth in their later years. They may already be caring for an aging
parent or other relative.
No matter how unique the situation, what older mothers all have in common
is how much they and their babies can enjoy the benefits of breastfeeding
including improved health, financial savings, and convenience.
Breastfeeding offers all
mothers many benefits, but many older mothers especially appreciate
certain aspects. The busy older mother who has many other responsibilities
is better able to get to know and bond with her new baby when she breastfeeds.
Since metabolism slows down as a person ages, older nursing mothers
find it advantageous that the caloric demands of lactation help them
to lose weight. Getting more rest by nursing lying down may be appreciated
by some older mothers who may not have as much energy as a young mother.
And when older children and stepchildren get to watch a baby brother
or sister being nursed, they receive a priceless education.
A New Beginning
When it comes to getting
started, the older mother who has already had a satisfying experience
nursing a child puts her new baby to her breast with confidence. If
difficulties arise, she draws on her previous success to carry her through
times of doubt. The older mother who previously experienced frustration
or perhaps an early weaning may also benefit from her past efforts by
recognizing familiar warning signs and seeking the information and support
needed for a more satisfying breastfeeding experience.
"My husband and I thought
we were the luckiest parents we knew because our first baby began sleeping
through the night when she was three days old," says Lisa Part,
a 39-year-old mother in Northridge, California, USA who is nursing her
fourth child with ease. "I ended up having a low milk supply and
had to work hard for weeks to build it up. It would have been so much
easier if I had just awakened her to feed her during the night."
"My experience with
my other children gave me the confidence to know I could completely
breastfeed this child and not to give up," states Nan Vollette,
a 48-year-old grandmother of three in Hampton, Virginia, USA who is
nursing her sixth child. Her son's health problems at birth resulted
in a low milk supply and Nan worked for four months with a finger-feeding
system until he became a stronger nurser and her milk supply improved.
"I was told by medical personnel that supplementing was not a big
deal, that I had tried breastfeeding and it didn't work out, so just
move on. That kind of thing ate at my strength but at the same time
I felt determined to make it work."
Being able to ask for help
and having a supportive husband made all the difference for Anna Adams
Gosicki of Scottsdale, Arizona, USA when she was breastfeeding her second
child. Anna was a young mother at age 20 when her first child was born,
and didn't understand how often she needed to breastfeed. Her nipples
also became sore because she had some problems with the baby's latch-on.
"My husband was afraid of our baby, and I grew anxious, tired,
and scared. I quit nursing too early," says Anna.
When she gave birth to her
son when she was nearly 40, Anna experienced similar breastfeeding problems
and she knew this time to ask for help. She was shown correct positioning
and what to do about soreness. With fond memories of breastfeeding this
time, Anna states, "I think breastfeeding is loving, gentle, convenient,
and it made me feel good."
Emotional Adjustments
When Leslie Ann Ostyn of
Grant, Michigan, USA told her husband that she was pregnant at age 44
with the second child they had awaited for 18 years, his first statement
was, "We are not going to have any friends!" In fact, Leslie
Ann finds in her interactions with young mothers, "I am frequently
called on to give the 'grandmother' perspective. I know I am helpful
but it doesn't fulfill me and makes me feel pressured to be perfect."
An older mother might be
the only one in her entire circle of friends with a baby. If she has
achieved a high level of competence in her professional or personal
life, or has become adept at juggling multiple responsibilities, she
may have unrealistic expectations about how easy it will be to care
for an infant and to fit nursing in with all her other activities. For
that reason, the information and emotional support provided by attending
La Leche League meetings can help out a lot.
Ann Dunnewold and Diane G.
Sanford in their Postpartum Survival Guide speak of the immense
confusion and frustration the first-time older mother faces because
of the lack of control she has over her pregnancy, birth experience,
and even her child. "The day-to-day tediousness of caring for an
infant may come as a shock.... Suddenly you are working on someone else's
timetable, after being in charge of your own timetable for years."
Dunnewolde and Sanford urge the older, new mother to scale down her
expectations, focus on her strengths, and set aside 10 minutes each
evening with her spouse to ask each other about their day.
So many new mothers thrive
on the camaraderie that develops among the women who attend La Leche
League meetings. An older mother, if other members of the Group are
much younger, might have different interests or concerns. If so, she
might help her Leader to plan an enrichment meeting on a topic she and
other older mothers would find especially helpful. In addition, she
may ask her Leader to help her find a nearby Group that has more older
members or to put her in touch with other older mothers. LLL Area Conferences
offer another place to meet mothers in similar circumstances.
Physical Challenges
The most common concern that
older breastfeeding mothers share is fatigue. This may be partly due
to physiological changes that come with aging. It could also be caused
by the workloads that older mothers tend to carry, caring for their
other children, working outside the home, and participating in their
community.
Getting adequate rest is
necessary for producing a good milk supply and for preventing breast
infections. Most older mothers find it essential to take naps. When
that is not possible, they may be able to revitalize themselves by doing
meditation or yoga, breathing from the diaphragm, relaxing in a bubble
bath, listening to soothing music, or getting fresh air. Cutting back
on caffeine including soft drinks, coffee, and tea is also recommended,
as well as avoiding eating large meals just prior to going to bed if
falling asleep at night is difficult.
Bringing their baby to bed
with them is also helpful for many mothers. Karen Zeretzke, a mother
of eight in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, USA who gave birth to her last two
children while in her 40s, enjoyed these merits of the nighttime family
bed: "The babies felt secure, we all got more sleep, and if I roused,
watching them sleep was so comforting."
"Eat a healthy diet
and guard your rest for the first three years," was the sage advice
that Leslie Ann Ostyn followed after the cesarean delivery of her second
child when she was almost 47. Though recovery was more difficult compared
to how she felt after the vaginal birth of her first child, she found,
"I was quicker to listen to my own body and knew I would and could
take it easy being a new mother. I had come to accept that a baby will
change your lifestyle and that is okay."
The cesarean birth rate tends
to be higher for older mothers, and even more so for the first time
older mother, whose labor is typically longer.
Some obstetricians use the
term "premium baby" to describe "any baby especially
desired by the mother-particularly the older, first-time mother,"
explain Diana Korte and Roberta Scaer in A Good Birth, A Safe Birth.
"The need to 'guarantee the product' (so to speak) results in increased
cesareans for these premium babies."
The impact that a cesarean
birth has on establishing breastfeeding differs from one older mother
to another. "The pain during the early weeks made responding to
this baby slower and more difficult," states Patty Spanjer, a 51-year-old
mother from Dalton, Georgia, USA who is currently breastfeeding her
fifth child, the only one to whom she gave birth through cesarean section.
"I needed help handling him, getting up, holding my older child,
and with food."
The need to recuperate after
this major abdominal surgery, may, however, help the otherwise unstoppable,
busy older mother to truly step back from all her other obligations
to focus on nursing and getting to know her baby. Her disappointment
at not delivering vaginally can add to her determination to breastfeed.
A first-time older mother may also be so thrilled to finally have a
baby to hold and nurse that she has no second thoughts about the method
of birth.
Older mothers who have had
a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) find that a variety of factors,
not just their age or the type of birth, affects their breastfeeding
experience. Though bedridden for several weeks due to the complications
after the cesarean birth of her first child when she was 35, Jodi Dembicer-Gross
of Woodland Hills, California, USA recalls with fondness, "My baby
was in bed with me and not only did nursing go smoothly, but we also
took wonderful naps together." Comparing how she felt after giving
birth to her second child with a VBAC at age 38, Jodi reports, "I
definitely had more energy to nurse after my cesarean birth than after
the VBAC. I think it is because I had exercised much more during my
first pregnancy and was in better shape physically. Trying to keep up
with a three-and-a-half-year-old at the same time I was nursing my second
baby was also exhausting."
Back pain presents a challenge
for some older mothers. The need to sit in one place for the extensive
nursing of a newborn might exacerbate the situation. Becky Ross, a 43-year-old
breastfeeding mother in Aurora, Colorado, USA used pillows for support
and did yoga and simple stretches following her daughter's birth last
year. Nonetheless, compared to when she was nursing her sons 15 years
ago, the pain is considerable. It makes it hard for her to get up early
to get her boys off to school. "When I was nursing before, I could
sleep in, but now I am up at 6 am whether I got a good night of sleep
or not. I find that I am tempted to stay up late to spend time with
my teens or just to get some 'me' time."
Low Milk Supply
An older mother with a low
milk supply may wonder if her age is the cause, particularly if she
did not encounter this problem when nursing babies to whom she gave
birth when she was younger. According to Lisa Marasco, IBCLC, a La Leche
League Leader and Assistant Area Professional Liaison who has done research
on insufficient milk supply, "It is not known for sure that advancing
age can impact milk supply, though some lactation professionals believe
that they see this happening."
Many factors can affect milk
supply, including conditions such as hypertension, anemia, and severe
postpartum bleeding. Nonetheless, with hard work, good guidance and
support, and lots of patience, an older mother will, in most cases,
be able to build up her milk supply. Ann Conlon-Smith, a mother in Raleigh,
North Carolina, USA who lost a lot of blood after her cesarean delivery
of twins at the age of 47, found herself with a low milk supply that
lagged for three months. "It was an awful time and I was terrified-I
didn't know if I was 'too old to breastfeed' or just what had happened.
I used lots of milk bank milk, pumped continuously, and put the babies
to breast all day and all night." Determined for her twins to receive
no less than their singleton siblings did, Ann persevered and her milk
supply did improve.
Hormonal Influences
When breastfeeding has been
going well, an older nursing mother may, at some point, become unusually
exhausted. She may feel breast tenderness or nipple soreness, particularly
at midcycle and during the last week before menstruating. The day before
her period starts she may also get irritable. These are common symptoms
of perimenopause, the transitional time in a woman's reproductive life
leading up to the actual cessation of menstruation.
It may be hard for a woman
who has fairly recently given birth to imagine that she is perimenopausal.
However, this phase in her life may begin anywhere from a few months
to 10 years prior to her actual menopause. The degree to which a woman
even notices her own perimenopause, explains Lonnie Barbarch in The
Pause, depends on how sensitive she happens to be to hormonal changes,
as well as on factors including her diet, exercise pattern, and life
experiences.
If the symptoms of perimenopause
make it difficult for a woman to nurse or care for her baby or family,
she may wish to explore ways to ease her discomfort. Options include
vitamins, herbs, acupuncture, homeopathy, dietary changes, and natural
and synthetic hormones. Susun S. Weed recommends a variety of specific
herbs, nourishing foods, meditations, exercises, and nutritional supplements
in Menopausal Years: The Wise Woman Way. However, before trying any
of these methods while breastfeeding, it is essential that someone knowledgeable
be consulted. The mother who hopes to continue nursing will ideally
seek the expertise of someone who can respect that choice.
Many mothers find during
the normal course of breastfeeding that the baby seems to need increased
time at the breast just when she is hoping to nurse less. This may occur
as the baby approaches a developmental milestone, during illnesses,
or when the family is going through a stressful period. Nighttime feedings
may also increase when the baby becomes so fascinated by his surroundings
that he won't stop to nurse enough during the day. There is a tendency
for the first-time older mother in particular to wonder if her child
will ever outgrow his need to breastfeed. It may seem as though she
will never be able to return to her accustomed level of accomplishment.
It is helpful to remember
that each time she nurses her baby, the hormones prolactin and oxytocin
are released, giving the mother a sense of calm. By providing her child
with the health benefits of breastfeeding, such as reduced incidence
of ear infections and allergies, an older mother also paves the way
for her workload to be more manageable as she, herself, continues to
age. The infancy period is actually a short length of time that might
not come again, especially if the mother is approaching the end of her
fertility.
One More Baby
The older nursing mother
who wishes to conceive another child sometimes faces tough decisions
about her existing breastfeeding relationship. If she has not resumed
ovulating since giving birth, she may decide to decrease the number
of feedings at the breast or to wean. Yet there is no guarantee that
she will then be able to conceive, or that she will carry a baby to
term, as there is a higher rate of miscarriage among older women.
It is sometimes recommended
that a woman ask her own mother when she stopped having periods as a
gauge for determining how long she might expect to be fertile. However,
even when a woman continues to menstruate in her later years, she does
not necessarily ovulate every month. In addition, American women are
seeking medical help for menopause four to five years younger than in
the recent past, reports Gail Sheehy in The Silent Passage: Menopause.
This may be due to postponing childbirth, having fewer children, as
well as synthetically controlling menstrual cycles.
Weaning the older nursing
baby in order to conceive may also present challenges. Doctors are not
always supportive of breastfeeding a toddler in general, much less when
the mother is trying to conceive or is already pregnant. Oftentimes
it is the high need child or one with food allergies who thrives on
extended breastfeeding. A lot of work may be required to help him adjust
to fewer feedings at the breast.
The older breastfeeding mother
who needs fertility drugs in order to conceive is hampered by the fact
that there doesn't seem to be any study available that evaluates the
effect of such drugs on the nursing baby. Weaning is therefore the safest
option. Again, even when the mother chooses to wean, there is no guarantee
that she will have another child.
While it is both helpful
and inspiring to read about other older, breastfeeding mothers, this
can, unfortunately, lead to disappointment when a woman draws conclusions
about her own fertility based on someone else's experience. All the
mothers quoted in this article did give birth in their mid-to-late 30s
and 40s, but that does not mean that someone else with the same desire
will be able to do so. Furthermore, an older mother may have conceived
her child with the help of reproductive technology and chooses to not
disclose that information.
While she and her family
were grieving deeply and endlessly the drowning death of her two-year-old
son, Gregory, Ann Conlon-Smith recalls how desperately she wanted one
more child. "I had no idea that suddenly I would no longer be able
to become pregnant, when four times previously, I got pregnancy exactly
when I wanted to, and even when I did not intend to! I wish my doctor
had told me that because of my advanced age (46) I might need to work
with a reproductive endocrinologist or fertility clinic. We finally
did just that and conceived our precious twins."
Reflecting on the eventual
weaning of the last children she intends to have, Ann states, "I
wonder what it will be like to miss seeing their eyelids flutter and
close in rest and to feel that deep relaxation and rest that I never
feel in any other way. I think I will always miss it. It will remain
the most cherished memory of my young children's lives and their connection
to me."
References
1. Barbach, L. The Pause;
Positive Approaches to Perimenopause and Menopause. New York: Penguin
Putnam Inc., 2000.
2. Dunnewold, A. and Sanford, D. Postpartum Survival Guide. Oakland,
CA: New Harbinger Publications, 1994.
3. Korte, D and Scaer, R. A Good Birth, a Safe Birth: Choosing and
Having the Childbirth Experience You Want. Massachusets: Harvard
Common Press, 1992.
4. Marasco, L. "Insufficient Milk Supply: Common Factors and Relationship
to Polycystic Ovary Syndrome" [thesis]. Pasadena, CA: Pacific Oaks
College, 2001.
5. Weed, S. Menopausal Years; The Wise Woman Way. Woodstock,
New York: Ash Tree Publishing, 1992.
Last updated Friday, October 13, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:30:28 UTC 2007.
