Tandem Mama
Shireen Caminschi
California USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 20 No. 4, July-August 2003, p. 132
Aryanne was
almost one year old when I became pregnant. Finding out I was pregnant
was a wonderful surprise, but I also had some regrets. I had wanted
an extended breastfeeding relationship with Aryanne and to let her wean
naturally. I felt Aryanne was too young to be weaned. Our breastfeeding
relationship was so rewarding to both of us. Aryanne was beautiful,
chubby, and enjoying solids, but her main staple was still my milk.
When she was ill, she relied very heavily on mother's milk.
After Aryanne
turned one, I read a lot about night feeding and how it relates to not
sleeping through the night. Aryanne had never slept a full night in
her life, waking anywhere from every hour to every three or four hours.
The sleep-deprived nights had taken their toll on me. With the new pregnancy,
I felt it was necessary to wean her from nighttime nursing. It was really
tough not to give in and feed her in the middle of the night, but eventually,
she would go back to sleep with some back rubbing for comfort and wake
up around 5 am for her morning feeding.
In my first
trimester, my breasts started to hurt. Each feeding felt like an eternity.
The pain made me start to resent breastfeeding, yet the thought of weaning
Aryanne broke my heart. I borrowed some books from my local La Leche
League Group to read the stories of other mothers who had breastfed
during pregnancy. I weighed the pros and cons and decided to follow
Aryanne's lead. If she showed signs of wanting to wean, we would. Otherwise
I would attempt to continue breastfeeding her through my pregnancy and
then tandem nurse.
After the night
weaning, I felt a little more positive about continuing. The breast
pain seemed to come and go at different times throughout the pregnancy.
About halfway through my pregnancy, I noticed my milk supply was reduced.
This did not deter Aryanne. My happy little toddler continued to breastfeed.
Around the beginning
of the last trimester, my milk supply diminished even more. Aryanne
continued to ask for "breasty burger," as we called it, because
she held my breast like a burger. Nursing continued to be our special
time together, but I tried to encourage cuddle times outside of nursing
times, including afternoon naps. When I cut back on daytime nursings,
to prepare for the new baby, I would ask Aryanne to snuggle. Soon she
was asking me, "Mama, snuggles?"
A couple of
weeks before Elyse was born, my milk seemed to change. Again this had
little effect on Aryanne's breastfeeding. About one week before Elyse's
birth, Aryanne was only nursing briefly to go to sleep at night. After
Elyse's birth, I was so pleased to have such an efficient little nursing
toddler. She went back to nursing several times a day to help with my
engorgement. After the first week or two, we cut back to twice a day,
once first thing in the morning and once at her request late in the
day.
Elyse latched
on within 30 minutes of her birth. It was so unusual to me to feed such
a little baby again after feeding a 30-pound toddler. I had a night
of uncertainty in the first week, when Elyse wouldn't latch on properly
and hadn't fed in several hours. After 45 minutes she finally latched
on and started sucking. Though I worried, my husband was awake with
me saying, "Don't worry, she will when she wants to." And
she did.
At nine weeks
postpartum, I felt as though I had tandem nursing under control. I frequently
got raised eyebrows and skeptical comments, such as, "Oh, you are
nursing both!" or "Gee, Aryanne is still nursing!" Of
course, everyone has a different opinion on nursing two children. I
have tried to let my gut feelings help me to be a good mother. I still
felt as though Aryanne was not ready to wean, and so I didn't force
her. She had compromised by cutting back on the number of nursings,
and I had compromised by not weaning her completely.
At 21 months
old, I was only breastfeeding Aryanne first thing in the morning and
after her afternoon nap. The afternoon nap started to become a marathon
nursing session, with her saying "other side" frequently.
This was wearing me down so I decided to stop this feeding. She coped
really well and didn't seem to miss it.
I was so busy
trying to keep up with my toddler and the necessary house chores, but
luckily, Elyse went with the flow. She was a very easy baby and a very
efficient nurser. Some days she was feeding as often as every 30 to
60 minutes. I had read that if you feed a baby more in the day they
nurse less at night. This theory didn't apply to my first born, Aryanne,
but it certainly seemed to work for Elyse.
When we were
nearing Aryanne's second birthday, Elyse got her first teeth. I thought
that one set of teeth on my breasts was enough and felt it was time
to see if Aryanne was ready to wean. I was very nervous about how she
would react on the morning I chose to try it. It was an amazing experience
because I didn't need to say anything. She seemed to just know. I made
her a sippy cup of milk and brought that with her to our bed for our
morning snuggle. She didn't even ask for "breasty." Over the
next few days she half-heartedly asked only a couple of times, without
making a big deal of it. When we had our morning cuddle she wanted to
snuggle into my chest, which was fine. I think her weaning was more
emotional for me than for her.
Elyse is now
a healthy and happy 21-pound six-month-old. It has been several weeks
since Aryanne weaned and she is still a happy, healthy toddler. I am
proud of how I stuck it out and waited for a time that felt right for
both of us. Even my husband, who used to say occasionally, "You
need to wean her, she is a big girl," has changed his tune. Now
he even brags, "She was breastfed until she was two!"
Last updated Friday, September 8, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:30:43 UTC 2007.
