Breastfeeding after Infertility
Sue Stuever Battel
Reed City Michigan USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 21 No. 4, July-August 2004, p. 134
I have always been a self-confident
person, but four years of infertility struggles left me deeply depressed
and unsure of myself and my body. My husband, Bob, also suffered as
we yearned for a child.
Infertility is hard on a
couple. I feel fortunate that, in our case, it actually brought us closer
as we learned all we could about medical treatments and adoption.
We chose to try medical treatment
first. Infertility treatments, I think, are especially hard on women.
It was me who had to be poked and prodded with a multitude of tests,
me who felt an empty womb, me who was called barren. I felt as if I
were the only woman left sitting in church on Mother's Day when the
pastor invited all mothers to stand and receive applause.
Even after doctors confirmed
our problem was male-factor infertility related to sperm quality, I
noticed on my charts that well-meaning technicians repeatedly made assumptions
that labeled me with "ovulatory dysfunction." Something was
wrong with me, or at least that's how I felt.
The saddest week of our lives,
in November 2001, ended up being the happiest. After undergoing an all-consuming
medical technique to try to conceive a baby, Bob and I received a phone
call from our specialist saying the blood test showed I was not pregnant.
But lo and behold, the baby inside me was fooling us. Less than a week
later, another test (and another and another) proved that a healthy
baby was growing inside my womb!
But while other pregnant
women dream about what their baby might look like-whether he'll have
Mommy's eyes or she'll get Daddy's nose-I never let myself think in
real terms about my developing daughter. After so many disappointments,
I was afraid to get my hopes up. I feared something would happen to
my baby.
On August 3, 2002, a wet,
tiny person was placed on my chest. The baby I had just birthed stared
at me with big, brown eyes. She is our beautiful daughter, Adele Lynn
Stuever Battel, now a healthy and active toddler.
I nursed Addy within minutes
of birth. We used a nipple shield for three weeks until I figured out
how to better present my flat nipples and she learned how to latch onto
them. We attended our first La Leche League meeting when Addy was about
six weeks old. All the breastfeeding challenges we encountered after
that were quickly smoothed out with the support of fellow members and
Leaders.
Now at every well-child visit,
the doctor confirms what Bob and I already know: Addy is healthy, happy,
bright, and growing well. I believe a big part of this is because she
has two loving parents who know human milk and its accompanying comfort
are what she needs.
My body, once labeled as
"dysfunctional," is now responsible for nurturing and nourishing
a wonderful little life. Once afraid to look forward, I now dream about
my daughter as a child, a teen, as a mother herself.
When Bob and I were hit hard
by one of those horrible, knock-down flus, Addy remained healthy. I
know the antibodies I gave her through my milk kept her that way. When
strangers remark about how contented Addy is in a variety of situations,
I know it's because she feels a secure bond to me, as fostered by our
nursing.
While pregnant with Addy,
I decided we would try our best to do everything just right. Things
had to be perfect for this child we had struggled to have. For us, that
didn't mean expensive clothes or gadgets, but the perfect food (human
milk), the loving arms of attached parents, and a committed, stay-at-home
mother. Looking back, I probably would have chosen to breastfeed anyway
if we had been able to conceive four years earlier, but maybe I wouldn't
have been as committed. Maybe I would have given in to cultural pressures
to wean early, maybe I wouldn't have known about attachment parenting,
or maybe it would have been harder for us to live on only Bob's income.
It may be silly, but sometimes
while Addy nurses a song runs through my head, "I am strong! Strong!
I am invincible! Invincible! I am wooo-maaa-aan!"
Breastfeeding after infertility
made me feel once again like an empowered woman. Just look at my growing
girl. I did that!
Last updated Tuesday, October 24, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:30:07 UTC 2007.
