Putting It on the Line
Angela Marie A.
MO USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 16, No. 4, July-August 1999 pp. 141-142
Before our children, before
our moments were given over to someone other than ourselves, we had
each other. We carefully planned what we would do with the time that
we would have together. We dreamed a little and decided on the futures
that we would share.
We wrote it all out on graph
paper-the dreams that we had and the goals we wished to achieve with
the support of those around us. My goal was a simple one. I wrote it out.
I remember
reading it out loud thinking, "He's going to think I'm a nut!"
But I read it anyway, "I want to stay home and bake bread."
"Okay," he said.
"That's a good goal. We can work on that." I sat smiling,
thinking to myself, "Hey! I like this guy!" Actually I love
this guy. He has proven to be a stable force in all that is called "family."
He comes from a family that
believes strongly in the work ethic. He learned early on that to work
is to supply the family its strength and that is what will sustain you.
Making ends meet is not always easy when trying to raise three growing
boys but his mother and father showed their children that it is possible,
though sometimes hard. In doing so, they taught their children to find
a steady career and hang on.
When we started dating he
was well on his way to a successful career in the fire service. He would
go to work for 24-hour shifts and have the freedom of the next 24 hours
which were all his own. As we became more serious about each other they
actually became 24 hours which were all "our" own. I didn't
think I would ever wish to give up those entire days of having him at
home.
We married, and following
our goals we had two children. I quit my job and with his support I
stayed home to devote myself to their loving and care. But the 24 hours
became too long. He felt he was missing out on our family. Actually,
I knew he was. He missed every other day. He missed half of everything.
He needed his children as much as they needed him.
He had always dabbled in
the computer field. He took some part-time computer-related jobs to
fill in for my missed income and learned a lot from them. He enjoyed
working with computers more than any other job he had ever held. One
position seemed to hold promise, so he stuck with it even though the
time away from home extended far longer than 24 hours. He would leave
to work at the firehouse, complete his 24-hour shift, and then go directly
to the corporate world of computers. He would put in a full workday
and then come home at the end of it exhausted. Meanwhile, we had two
very young boys at home. I was worn out. He was worn out. Something
had to change.
We both knew that this job
could lead to a position with promise. And it did. He was offered a
full-time job with the company but for a decrease in pay from what he
was making with the fire service. He would be starting over. He would
no longer have a pension, paid family medical benefits, or even job
security. He had been with the fire service for seven years.
Once again we sat down with
graph paper and charted things out. The benefits to us, to our family,
far outweighed the decrease in finances. We could cut back on everything
if it meant having a husband home every night. We decided we could risk
the uncertainty if it meant having a dad at dinner every evening.
He took the job. He gave
up the career that he planned out and charted as his destiny to be a
father to his boys and a husband to me. He gave up a certain future
of work for a certain future of the home. By making this decision, we
feel we are teaching our boys that although you may change your mind
when you find yourself in the middle, you never give up when you focus
on the important things in life. When your focus is on fathering you
do what you need to do.
Last updated Friday, November 3, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:30:03 UTC 2007.
