Focus on Fathers
An Everyday Father
Heidi Kelly
Nanaimo BC Canada
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 20 No. 2, March-April 2003, p. 63
I have long read this column and wanted to write in about my husband,
John. I have wanted to honor him for all he does by telling the world
how highly I think of him. The stumbling block came when I tried to
think specifically of what to write. Within our family there has thankfully
been no occasion for him to do something outstanding or heroic. And
yet, on a deeper level, he is a good father and a good husband, and
this encompasses these things and more on a daily basis.
Where do I see outstanding and heroic? In the excitement and wonder
on his face when he learned he was going to be a father. In the strength
of his hand in mine as our children were born. In the nights when I
couldn't handle yet another waking with a child, and John quietly and
calmly stepped in to help. In the middle of the night when John paced
with me as I carried a crying, teething baby. In the all-too-frequent
times he listens with acceptance to my sleep-deprived ranting. In his
joy at a new word from a toddler. In the phone calls in the middle of
day when he listens to me cry with the racket of our sick children in
the background. In his sigh as he digs deep to find the patience for
one more repetition of our son's favorite game. In the tenderness shown
by this huge, strong man as he lifts our precious, tiny daughter, Kathleen.
In these things I see a great man. This is how I see my husband every
day.
I have always admired my husband's ability to follow his parenting instincts.
He looks to his children to see what they need, even when the results
are unexpected or inexplicable. We assumed breastfeeding would last
for about six months. When our first child, Jeremy, approached this
age, he was still breastfeeding for many hours of the day and night.
In order for me to be comfortable with continued nursing, I had to read
books and articles, talk with mothers and La Leche League Leaders, and
continually wrestle with the decision to continue. For John it was simple-he
just watched Jeremy breastfeed and saw that it was something our son
needed and enjoyed, and therefore should continue. He showed such wisdom
and confidence.
John handles outside pressure well. In the early years of being a mother,
I was often defensive and wanted to convert everyone to my way of thinking.
It has always been more straightforward for John. If he sees or hears
an idea that is different from our beliefs or expectations, he is able
to consider it in light of our philosophy. If it does not suit our family,
he just lets it go. After thoughtful consideration, if he decides this
new idea has some merit in our situation, he is willing to give it a
try.
As a toddler, our son was still breastfeeding, needing his mother, and
sleeping with us. Many people criticized our parenting and warned us
of dire consequences. Again, I often responded with hurt and anger followed
by the need to prove our way was good. John could just let this criticism
slide off him. He felt confident our son was telling us what he needed.
He showed such strength.
La Leche League has had an amazingly positive influence on our family.
This could not have happened if John was not so helpful and supportive.
He encouraged me to go to my first LLL meeting. He plays with the children
during LLL meetings so mothers can talk with each other. He paces in
the back of the room holding our baby so I can listen to a speaker at
Conferences. He goes out of his way to parent his children well and
to support me as I try to do the same.
There are times for us, as for all couples, when I do not feel particularly
close to my husband. There are other times when I feel closer to him
than to any other person on this earth. Most of the time over these
last few years, though, I have seen him as my partner in the sometimes
overwhelming occupation of raising young children. I couldn't ask for
a more wonderful person to share my life. It is not that John did some
amazing thing one day that deserves recognition, but that he does so
many amazing things every day. Thank you, John, for touching my life
and the lives of our children. We love you.
Last updated Tuesday, October 24, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:29:49 UTC 2007.
