Starting Over
Karen McNeil
Deep Gap, North Carolina, USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 11 No. 2, March-April 1994, p. 43
We provide articles
from our publications from previous years for reference for our Leaders and
members. Readers are cautioned to remember that research and medical information
change over time
For most nursing mothers,
the thought of unexpectedly losing their milk never crosses their minds.
For others it may be their worst nightmare. For me it became a reality,
at least for a short time. The worst part of my ordeal was not understanding
what was happening to me and my baby, or why. This is my story, the
story of giving up a precious relationship too soon, then miraculously
regaining it.
My moment of loss came during
my son's seventh month. It was a lazy afternoon and I sat down to nurse.
Having always felt sensations I was surprised when, after a few moments
of my son's suckling, my milk did not let down. With the help of many
patient and knowledgeable La Leche League Leaders, I later pieced together
all the reasons for this seemingly sudden breakdown.
I concluded that my let-down
problems were the result of a nighttime "sleeping experiment" I tried
at the urging of my son's pediatrician. My son, at seven months, awoke
to nurse five to six times each night. My pediatrician suggested that
I force him to learn to sleep through the night by ignoring his cries.
What the doctor didn't know, nor did I realize, was that my son did
the bulk of his nursing during the night. He was overwhelmed by my strong
milk ejection reflex during the day, and despite wanting the milk, often
refused to nurse. After two nights of not nursing, my body responded
with a drastic reduction in milk production. Therefore, on the third
afternoon, I didn't feel my usual let-down sensations and I panicked.
The stress over my perceived "lost milk" only exacerbated the problem.
I later learned that what I had experienced that day was an anxiety
attack.
My local Leaders made suggestions
that helped to get nursing back on track. It was like a miracle to me
that I could put away all the bottles, nipples, and formula that my
son and I had been reluctantly dealing with for several days.
Since that time, I have
completely changed the way I relate to my son. For the first seven months
of his life, he was breastfed, but not "breast nurtured." Now I began
to really watch his cues. We slept together, bathed together, and napped
together. Over the next four months, he completely lost all signs of
reluctance to nurse and usually embraced nursing and the comforts that
it brought him.
Now, I have a happy twenty-two-month-old
who still nurses. Most nursings are for comfort and calming, but a few
each day are for the quenching of hunger and thirst. I have continued
to experience the kind of attacks that began over a year ago when my
milk supply dropped so dramatically. La Leche League Leaders have helped
me to preserve my nursing relationship with my baby while slowly, with
the help of a sympathetic therapist (who happens to be a nursing mother),
I learn to control these attacks.
Breastfeeding has been the
most intimate, selfless, loving experience I have ever had. Some fears
do remain: fear of the loss of this relationship, and fear of what lies
ahead for us after this precious stage of life is over. But I know that
we will find our way together. We have become a true nursing couple,
"in sync" with each other, and that will see us through all the transitions
ahead. I now know not only how to breastfeed my baby, but how to nurture
and to mother my growing child as well. I believe completely in the
advantages of nursing and thanks to La Leche League, I will now be able
to experience them all with my beautiful, healthy, happy, nursing toddler.
Last updated 11/12/06 by jlm.
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