More than Milk
By Betsy Liotus
Schaumburg, Illinois, USA
From NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 13 No. 2, March-April 1996, pp. 36-9
Lisa Johanson, a mother of
three who now lives in Plymouth, Minnesota, had no doubt that she wanted
to breastfeed. During her first pregnancy, she read all she could find
on the subject and queried friends, family, and even strangers about
whether or not they had breastfed.
"When I noticed a woman nursing
discreetly under a tree at a company picnic," Lisa confessed, "I lowered
myself and my bulging belly down beside her on the blanket and bombarded
her with every hope and concern I had about breastfeeding. She graciously
listened and answered all my questions. Her enthusiasm was so contagious
that I couldn't wait to breastfeed."
A short time later, Lisa
gave birth to a son, Kyle. Her preparation for breastfeeding paid off
and Kyle thrived on his mother's milk. Yet within weeks Lisa discovered
something about breastfeeding that no one had talked about: breastfeeding
as a style of mothering as well as a method of feeding. The art within
the act helped Lisa both nurture and nourish her new baby.
"The first thing I did when
Kyle cried or fussed for any reason was to put him to my breast," Lisa
explained. "It made mothering so much easier than I ever thought it
could be. If the breast was not what Kyle wanted then my husband or
I would try something else to make him happy."
But as a mother-to-be living
in Hoffman Estates, Illinois, Pam Barr wasn't so sure she wanted to
breastfeed. "It seemed like a lot of trouble for what I thought were
comparatively few advantages," Pam said. However, the unexpected cesarean
birth of her son, Zachary, changed her mind.
"Everything about Zachary's
birth felt so unnatural," recalled Pam. "Breastfeeding was one way to
salvage my self-esteem. It helped me to know there was something about
this mothering business that I could do 'right.'"
Like many women who have
had a cesarean birth, Pam relived over and over again the hours leading
up to her child's delivery and wrestled with the possibility that it
could have been different. "Fortunately," she reported, "every time
I looked down at my healthy, growing infant being completely sustained
on breast milk alone, my fears about having another baby diminished.
When Zachary was two years old, I got pregnant again. Although Matthew
was born vaginally, breastfeeding had restored enough of my faith in
my self and my body that, had his birth been another cesarean, I could
have handled it."
What do mothers such as Lisa
and Pam have in common? Both have discovered that there is more to breastfeeding
than learning how to properly position a baby at the breast, how often
to nurse, and whether or not their babies are getting enough milk. While
mastering these mechanics can, indeed, mean the difference between success
and failure, many mothers come to recognize breastfeeding as greater
than the sum of its "parts."
This is the emotional side
of breastfeeding, often minimized or even ignored in favor of an important,
but more functional focus on the particulars. But feelings play a significant
role not only in a woman's initial decision to breastfeed, but how long
she continues and how much satisfaction she derives from doing it.
A Language of Love
Experts estimate that nearly
90% of the communication that takes place between people is nonverbal.
Breastfeeding is an excellent example. The act of breastfeeding "speaks"
volumes to a baby in a language he or she most readily understands.
The sensory stimulation that's part of the close, skin-to-skin contact
that breastfeeding requires translates into a feeling of acceptance
that is a baby's first lesson in self-esteem. As an LLL co-Leader once
said, "Breastfeeding enabled me to tell my babies things with my body
that they wouldn't understand with words for a long time to come."
Pam Barr, now an at-home
mother of four, put it this way: "With three older brothers involved
in school, sports, and Scouts, the baby, Dylan, rarely has me all to
himself. But though my attention is often divided, Dylan clearly understands
that there's a part of me that he doesn't have to share."
This communication is also
valuable to women who return to work soon after their babies are born.
The mother who utilizes breastfeeding to say "goodbye" to her infant
when she leaves, and "hello" when she returns, nourishes a meaningful
and much-needed sense of involvement with her baby. This is further
enhanced if she can arrange time together at lunch breaks or leave a
part of herself, her milk, for her baby while she's away.
Non-work hours, often evenings
and weekends, provide another opportunity for employed mothers to "converse"
with their breastfed babies. When this time is spent nursing exclusively
and bringing baby into bed at night, some of the intimacy that could
not be enjoyed while mother was away can be regained. Snuggled tightly
into mother's breast in a way that no caretaker can emulate, baby's
heart, mind, and soul hear the message that may or may not be spoken
aloud: "There, there now, baby, here I am, here's Mama...and I love
you."
The Gift of Clarity
Whether at home or away,
busy women of the 90s often come to appreciate breastfeeding as a gift
not just to their babies, but to themselves as well, one that builds
into their lives opportunities to reflect on their values, priorities,
and goals, both professional and personal. Such reflection is an invitation
to mother deeply. This adds purpose and perspective to anything else
a woman may choose to pursue while helping her pace her time and energies
accordingly.
"As I sat quietly nursing,"
said one mother of three, "I would think about all kinds of things--my
childhood, my marriage, my dreams for the future. Sharing some of these
thoughts with others led me to believe that I'd make a good teacher.
Eventually, I went back to school and earned my bachelor's degree in
education. I now work as a reading specialist at a local grade school
just minutes from home, and I love it!"
As a first-time mother back
in 1987, Lisa Johanson recalls a more personal experience. "One day
as I looked down at Kyle nursing contentedly at my breast, I suddenly
was seized with the knowledge that I would do anything for this child,
absolutely anything. It was a moment I will remember forever, because
I realized that, in addition to my milk, I was giving my son a part
of myself that I had never given to anyone."
The Spirituality of Breastfeeding
Other women report that breastfeeding
helped them grow spiritually. Though La Leche League is non-sectarian,
that does not mean we cannot acknowledge the inherently divine dimension
of breastfeeding. It is part of a reproductive process that even the
most earth-bound skeptics concede to be miraculous. To deny the sanctity
of one part of that process is to greatly diminish the power and potential
of all the other parts.
For me, breastfeeding produced
a kind of cosmic commonality that sounds corny to talk about but which
was really quite intense. Not only did I experience a strong sense of
connectedness with the women I met at La Leche League meetings, workshops,
and conferences, but also with women from past and future generations
all over the world. This was a taste of life in community that I wanted
my family to know. Becoming a La Leche League Leader satisfied a personal
desire to serve others. Later, I learned that this ministerial element
was something that many Leaders both recognize and relish.
Thus I believe that LLL has
been given what many perceive as a moral, if not sacred, obligation
to celebrate the profoundly spiritual nature of mothering at the breast.
When we do this in an inclusive, respectful, and discerning manner,
we will neither jeopardize our non-profit legal status nor compromise
the diversity of religious practices among us in any way.
Sex and the Breastfeeding Mother
Yet a spiritual awakening
initiated by breastfeeding does not preclude other types of awakenings--in
the bedroom, for example. Throughout my years in La Leche League, many
women have revealed that they experienced the same sexual freedom that
I discovered through the powerful new sense of femininity that breastfeeding
invited me to explore.
It seems that for many of
us, the psychological pleasure derived from the growing lack of inhibition
about using our breasts to feed our babies carries with it some comparable
pleasures and lack of inhibition in every area of our lives, including
our sex lives.
Mother Nature herself appears
delightedly determined to lend assistance in this regard; oxytocin,
the hormone that stimulates the milk ejection reflex as well as uterine
contractions, is also released during orgasm. Nipple stimulation, a
key component of the breastfeeding relationship, is sexually arousing
to many women, although the degree to which this is experienced varies
widely from one woman to another. Even vaginal dryness, which some breastfeeding
mothers experience due to the lower level of estrogen in their system,
can encourage more creativity in lovemaking.
Perhaps one woman's comment
at a session entitled "Breastfeeding and Sexuality" at LLLI's 14th Conference
in Chicago last July says it best: "It was the funniest thing," she
said smiling. "When our youngest child weaned, it was my husband who
started catching more colds!"
Such comments can be helpful
to those in need of more candid discussions about the joys and the challenges
that a baby brings to a couple's sexual relationship. Only then will
these "new" benefits of breastfeeding become better understood and more
widely embraced. This is important, because the sometimes overwhelming
task of raising children is fraught with factors that are more likely
to tear down a relationship with a spouse than build it up.
Healing Childhood Trauma
But one woman's passion is
another's pain. A very emotional issue for some women is breastfeeding's
role in facilitating the recognition of, as well as the recovery from,
past sexual abuse. Not long ago, a friend revealed that the growing
list of good reasons to breastfeed forced her to examine an unreasonable,
and at that point unexplainable, disgust with the idea of putting a
baby to her breast to nurse. While for some women this reaction is produced
by living in a culture that generally does not support breastfeeding,
this friend suspected something more. Looking back, she now marks this
period as the beginning of a long journey toward recovery from the sexual
advances of her stepbrother many years before.
"I was lucky," she confided,
"I'm a fighter. When I was able to acknowledge to myself and to others
the full extent of what these experiences had cost me in terms of feeling
good about my body, I was determined to overcome what I could. Breastfeeding
turned out to be not only the means by which I discovered the truth,
but the catalyst for moving beyond it."
But as Ann Medhus-Westbrooks
from Rolla, Missouri, can attest, painful childhood memories are not
limited to those that involve sexual abuse.
"My mother was an alcoholic.
This made my growing up years very difficult, and I decided never to
have children of my own. I did not believe I was capable of loving and
caring for a baby.
"But what I did not learn
from living with my mother, I learned as she died. Caring for her during
this time convinced me that there was a nurturing side that I didn't
know I had. It was then that I changed my mind about becoming a mother.
"Now breastfeeding is helping
me learn to trust the instincts that I long believed were absent. Thanks
to LLL and my supportive husband, Greg, I am so proud of the loving
relationships I have with my sons."
The Personal Becomes the Political
Breastfeeding confirms a
woman's right to control her own body and challenges the male-dominated
medical model and business interests that promote artificial feeding.
Breastfeeding requires a new definition of woman's work, one that more
realistically integrates women's productive and reproductive activities.
Many breastfeeding mothers enjoy the self-sufficiency that results from
relinquishing an economic dependence on a product that their bodies
produce free. And most appreciate the opportunity to challenge society's
view of the breast as a sexual object only.
All this and more make breastfeeding
one of the purest forms of feminism that there is. But, as Rosemary
Gordon, a Leader in New Zealand, said, "Breastfeeding can't empower
women until women are empowered to breastfeed." La Leche League International's
presence at the Fourth Annual Woman's Conference in Beijing, China last
year was a step toward integrating breastfeeding into the plethora of
important women's issues being discussed, especially world hunger and
disease.
Fortunately, many who once
failed to recognize breastfeeding's unique contribution to the empowerment
of women have begun to re-examine their viewpoint. As a result, a growing
number of women have begun to consider that by relinquishing the task
of nourishing and nurturing their infants with their own bodies, they
lost more than they gained. "The confidence and conviction that breastfeeding
generates are as empowering as any career coup," one woman said proudly.
These insights depend upon
the full range and free expression of all women's experiences, both
at home and in the workplace. Only then will the vibrant, multi-colored
tapestry of empowerment that true feminism represents be one that all
women, everywhere, can claim as their own.
The Heart of the Matter
So, while there are many
benefits of breastfeeding, the heart has a few all its own. Like a good
book that has challenged, encouraged, or otherwise changed us, when
breastfeeding comes to an end, most of us have learned something about
ourselves that we didn't know at the start. What may have begun as an
obligatory or tentative decision to breastfeed often evolves into something
much more: a holistic new commitment to living and loving well and a
sense of accomplishment that makes it all worthwhile.
References
WOMANLY ART OF BREASTFEEDING.
La Leche League, Int'l. Schaumburg IL USA, 1991.
WABA leaflet, Breastfeeding,
Empowering Women, 1995.
NEW BEGINNINGS/NZ. Vol. 11
No. 4; 87.
LLLI Reprint No. 82, Breastfeeding
and Sexuality, 1985
About the author: Betsy
Liotus is a La Leche League Leader and was previously a Managing Editor
of NEW BEGINNINGS. She and her husband, Nick, live in Schaumburg, Illinois
with their two children Michael (15) and Melissa (12).
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:30:08 UTC 2007.
