Familiar
Comfort
By Cecily Woodard-Spencer
Landover, MD USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 15 No. 2, March - April 1998, p. 46-47
I know firsthand how important
fathers are both to a mother and her children. Let me tell you about
an exceptional father--my husband, David Spencer.
Our oldest daughter, Dresden,
was born October 14, 1992, with Down syndrome. Though we quickly came
to see what a profound blessing she was, those first few days of Dresden's
life were very difficult and stressful. The situation was made worse
by ignorant nurses who promptly informed me that a baby with Down syndrome
couldn't be successfully breastfed. When I told them that she was breastfeeding,
they insisted on watching me feed her to prove it; still, they continued
to pressure me to give her a bottle. During all of this stressful time,
my husband was my sounding board and supported my resolve to continue
breastfeeding. Little did I know then that this would be the case throughout
much of my daughter's life.
Although most children with
Down syndrome lead relatively healthy lives, our daughter was plagued
with health problems including, finally, leukemia. Dresden was hospitalized
or was visiting the doctor's office often during her four-and-a-half
years of life. We soon found that pediatric hospitals are overwhelmingly
a woman's domain; fathers visit but are rarely very involved, especially
with chronically ill children. We noticed that if we were both in a
room with the doctors, they would ignore my husband and speak only to
me--they quickly learned not to do this!
During her first hospital
stay, Dresden became too weak to nurse enough to prevent dehydration.
We had to consent to a nasal-gastric feeding tube. I chose to pump breast
milk for her. Again, my husband strongly supported and encouraged my
decision, while the doctor did not. For two years I alternately nursed
and pumped my milk for my daughter while my husband helped to fight
off the many professionals and friends who tried to prevent or dissuade
us.
My daughter's health condition
made her vomit several times daily and have repeated episodes of diarrhea.
There were numerous medications to administer, and eventually she had
a feeding pump, a feeding tube permanently inserted in her stomach,
and a permanent IV central line in her chest that required daily changes.
IV pumps became a part of our daily lives. My husband took an active
role in all of this. When Dresden was hospitalized, David spent every
night, all night, in the hospital caring for our daughter and then worked
all day. No matter where we were, when Dresden was feeling good, he
played with her, played the piano and sang for her, and read her millions
of books. When she was feeling bad, he cried for her, held her, sang
to her, and again read her millions of books. No one could make her
smile like Daddy--and what a smile she had!
Almost every week, someone
at the hospital would pull me aside to tell me what a wonderful father
my husband was. I, of course, wholeheartedly agreed! My husband would
always respond to this with amazement--he believed that any father would
do the same for his child, and was amazed to learn that there were many
people who considered a father who was involved actively to be a luxury.
On January 27, 1997, Dresden
died of complications from the leukemia she had battled for almost three
years. Her last day was like many before; she spent the day with her
sister and me, and she spent the night with her daddy, holding his hand.
As the morning approached, she let go of his hand and slept peacefully
for the first time that night, and then quietly passed away. I believe
she could not bear to go while holding her daddy's hand.
My husband thinks it is sad
that people thought what he did was extraordinary for a father. He feels,
as I do, that we were blessed to have Dresden in our lives and that
he wouldn't have done things any differently. I know that he wishes
fathers who aren't involved with their children could understand what
they are missing. I am profoundly grateful to have David as my husband
and as my children's father.
Friday, June 14, 2002 11:10 PM
by dw.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:29:23 UTC 2007.
