Trusting My Heart
Tina Bunce
Charleston, SC USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 14 No. 3, May-June 1997, pp. 86-7
We provide articles from our publications from previous years for reference for our Leaders and members. Readers are cautioned to remember that research and medical information change over time.
I became pregnant with my
son Christopher, now 19 months, during my final year in college. After
the initial shock and a lot of self-reflection, I knew I had to make
some important decisions for myself and my baby. I had to start trusting
my heart and do what I felt was right.
While finishing my classes,
I read all I could on pregnancy and babies. I had known that I wanted
to breastfeed ever since I saw a film on the benefits of breastfeeding
during high school. I had concerns that I would not be able to do it.
From the start, I wanted to make my baby feel as special and happy as
I possibly could. I knew lots of affection and gentle discipline would
be the foundation of our relationship.
My mother, who had breastfed
my sister and me, encouraged me to go to La Leche League meetings. I
attended my first one when Christopher was six weeks old. I had originally
planned on breastfeeding my son for four to six months, but when I listened
to the LLL mothers talking about breastfeeding, I was exuberant and
rejected the idea of a set cut-off date.
At first, I was confused
about how to respond to Christopher's cries. He seemed to want to breastfeed
most of the time, and nursing was the only thing that calmed him. I
held Christopher practically all day and we slept together at night.
I felt in my heart these were the right things to do, but many other
mothers in my community told me I was selfish, and that I would end
up with a clingy, spoiled child.
I was so relieved to hear
LLL mothers and fathers talk about doing the same things I believed
in. I no longer felt guilty about nursing on demand, responding quickly
to Christopher's cries, or co-sleeping. I had found my home. The longer
I nursed Christopher, the longer I wanted to nurse him. When he was
16 months old I began working full-time. I had been dreading the time
when I would have to leave him for the whole day. The fact that I had
to work didn't make leaving him any easier. Even though I knew he couldn't
understand my words, I explained to Christopher that Mommy had to go
to work so she could buy the things we needed. I found the best day
care I could afford, and he seems to really enjoy it.
After a long day and a happy
reunion, we come home and begin to breastfeed. This little ritual helps
us reconnect after eight hours of being apart. Then I do my best to
fix a fast, nutritious supper and we spend the rest of the evening doing
something together. Because Christopher is my first priority, other
things have to wait. For example, I have piles of laundry that need
to be done and the beds never seem to get made, but Christopher doesn't
mind.
Nursing a toddler has made
me even more thankful for LLL's mother- to-mother support. Had it not
been for LLL, I don't think I would have continued to breastfeed Christopher
into the toddler years. I still attend LLL meetings and look forward
to them all month long. After the meetings I feel wonderful about my
mothering decisions and believe I'm a great mother to Christopher. In
September 1996, I attended my first LLL Area Conference in Greenville,
South Carolina, thanks to a scholarship. How wonderful it was to meet
more mothers with similar interests and concerns!
Last updated Friday, October 13, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:29:59 UTC 2007.
