Daddies Come in All Shapes and Sizes
Mary Margaret C.
IA USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 16 No. 3, May-June 1999, pp. 102-103
When I was a child, I used
to look at other kids' dads and think with disgust, “Ugh! I'd never
want him for a dad!” I was perfectly satisfied with the dad I had
and couldn't imagine myself with another. Other children's fathers always
had something “wrong” with them: one was too strict, another
was too old, one talked too loudly, and another was even too hairy!
Now I am delighted to be
married to a man who is covered with hair, except on the top of his
head, which is completely bald. My children do not seem to find this
disgusting. Even as the top of his head has changed in appearance, Reid
has changed size and shape a few times since I've met him-even since
the children “met” him! Whatever shape he's in, Reid is a
different person from any other daddy.
Even as I once did, my children
take for granted - and perhaps feel relieved - that the father they
have is exclusively theirs. However, I have sometimes been at fault
for comparing Reid with some ideal I carry around in my head - and I
think I see in other dads. I have to remind myself that the father I
see at a friend's house is only part of the whole person who lives day-to-day
with those children. I may be treated to seeing him at his best, but
I have the privilege of knowing my husband in all his “shapes and
sizes.”
Reid and I don't always agree
on how to raise our children, and we certainly have different parenting
styles; we came from very different families. Reid tends to be more
authoritarian; I tend to rely on empathetic listening. Both have their
value, and I have humbly (and with relief) had to admit that sometimes
authority has stepped in and saved the day. An authority figure with
consistent moral and ethical values, which Reid models, offers our children
a reliable strength, and I can see the effects of this now that they
are older and spend a large part of their lives with their peers.
When our children were babies.
Reid wasn't particularly comfortable with them. He seemed happiest contributing
half the chromosomes, washing the dishes, and providing income! I remember
wondering then if our children would ever bond with him. I would see
toddlers at Area Conferences who seemed to have as much fun with their
fathers as they did with their mothers, and I would think that our family
was missing something. As time went by, however, I came to understand
my husband better. It wasn't that Reid didn't love our little people
enough to want to know them; he just needed to be able to talk to them
and reason with them to form a relationship.
I enjoy the differences,
the richness, the companionship, the humor, and the dependence that
our children share with their father as they have grown. They still
need me for certain aspects of their fulfillment; yet, as they have
evolved out of the baby years, it has become clearer to me why our family
needs two parents. I am grateful for the differences. Our children have
learned a lot from relating to two very different people. They also
have a family structure that supports them strongly, because Reid and
I each have our own strengths to bring to parenting.
How unique each family is!
Just like daddies, families come in different shapes and sizes. It's
all too easy to fall into the trap of thinking someone else's family
comes closer to an imagined ideal. The truth is, every family has its
gifts, and each person has gifts to give, allowing that family to be
its own ideal.
Last updated Friday, November 3, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:30:28 UTC 2007.
