My Journey
Through Cyberspace
By Jennifer Berger
Illinois, USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS,
Vol. 17 No. 6, November-December 2000, pp. 202-203
We provide articles
from our publications from previous years for reference for our Leaders and
members. Readers are cautioned to remember that research and medical information
change over time
I wish I'd been online in
1994, when l was pregnant with my first child. I had few friends at
the time and none who were parents. I did not have medical insurance
so I received prenatal care at a clinic and saw a different physician
every time I went in. Breastfeeding was mentioned, but mentioned as
an equal option in the same category as formula. I thought that I would
breastfeed and it would come naturally, no problem. How hard could it
be?
When I gave birth to my happy
and healthy baby girl, I was thrilled. But I feel I experienced postpartum
depression within 24 hours of her birth. I was overwhelmed, exhausted,
and unprepared. This baby wanted to nurse all the time, but little did
I know that she wasn't latching on properly. The combination of pain
from my episiotomy and cracked nipples coupled with my severe depression
ended our nursing relationship soon after it began.
A few years later, we bought
a computer and went online. I was enjoying motherhood and my depression
had lessened, but I discovered I had had symptoms of clinical depression
for as long as I could remember and had done nothing about it. I was
lonely and pretty much devoted myself to my daughter. The online community
filled me with lots of new knowledge and friendships. There were many
parenting forums.
When I found out I was expecting
another baby, I was somewhat excited, but depression was beginning to
creep up more. I dreaded another postpartum experience like I'd had
before! I browsed through message boards (online discussion boards)
where they discussed pregnancy and parenting until I came upon a debate
board called Breast Vs. Bottle and I started reading. I was terribly
defensive at first having bottle-fed my first and having planned to
bottle-feed the next. After all, my first child was "just fine" and
I really hadn't been made aware of the vast differences between breastfeeding
and bottle-feeding. I was jealous of these women for having happy nursing
relationships and felt as if I had been betrayed by not having access
to this information in the past. I lashed out at first, mad at the world
for not making the best choice for my daughter, only later realizing
I made an uninformed choice and needed to stop beating myself up. As
Maya Angelou says, "When you know better, you do better."
I started gaining confidence
that I would indeed breastfeed my second child and began to read everything
I could get my hands on. I asked questions of my online friends and
learned so much. Hindsight is indeed 20/20. I realized why my first
nursing relationship failed and also realized the role depression played
in everything. I was uneducated about the reality of depression! I did
not seek help nor did I know what help was out there.
At the end of my second trimester,
I sank into a deep depression. I cried for hours at a time. One evening
it got so bad that I began cramping and went to the emergency room to
make sure all was well. After several hours, the contractions stopped,
and the staff had told me it was time to get some help. The next day,
I went to my obstetrician to ask for help. To my dismay, I was not offered
any advice other than to snap out of it. I felt I needed more help than
that, so I went to another doctor for a second opinion and started on
one of the newer class of antidepressant medications commonly regarded
as the best choice for pregnant or lactating women. My new obstetrician
told me that the benefits outweighed any risks in this case. Now I faced
another tough decision: to nurse or not?
I reached out into cyberspace
with my dilemma and found an unbelievable amount of support. My email
was filled with studies about breastfeeding while taking my medication,
links to web sites and words of support from other nursing mothers.
For the next month, two online bulletin boards were discussing my situation
and helping me to gather the information I needed to make an informed
choice. One mother emailed me to say she was taking the same medication
and when she had her milk tested for levels of the drug, it was undetectable.
My obstetrician told me I'd
be able to breastfeed my baby. I called LLL for current information
on my medication and also contacted our pediatrician. Their information
confirmed what I had heard from my online friends - that the benefits
clearly outweighed the risks. I was convinced I would breastfeed!
I subsequently gave birth
to a very healthy baby girl. Emily latched on shortly after delivery
and pretty much hasn't stopped since! She shows no ill effects from
my medication. In fact, she has been a pleasantly easy baby. She nursed
very well from the beginning and between that and my antidepressant,
I suffered no postpartum depression this time around. I became a very
strong breastfeeding advocate and truly adored breastfeeding and attachment
parenting my little girl. Breastfeeding calmed me down and made me feel
whole and in tune with my children. I started attending LLL meetings
and began to offer my support online to mothers facing the dilemma I
had recently faced. My mailbox often had emails from moms who had heard
I had experience with antidepressants while pregnant and nursing. I
began to grow closer to the online circle of friends I had made who
I feel so grateful for. These strangers on a screen cared enough to
support me and help me make some important choices and I am doing the
same through my online activities.
Some of my best friends are
a group of women I met online and I love them dearly! The power of the
Internet is truly amazing. I got to thank some of them in person when
we gathered at an Area Conference held by LLL of Illinois. Eight of
us attended the conference and had a terrific time finally meeting each
other in person while enjoying the support and friendship of La Leche
League. I even showed off my nursling to Dr. Jack Newman, who was a
featured speaker at the conference, and thanked him for the information
he has online. I am so grateful to La Leche League and my cyber support
system who so generously helped me to learn, to heal, and to be the
best mother I could. Support and education make a difference.
I can't imagine not nursing
my daughter nor can I imagine not taking my medication. The happiest
moments in the world are when I nurse my daughter and she looks up at
me and smiles as if to say, "Thanks Mom!" and when my older daughter
tries to nurse her dollies or carry them in her childsized sling.
LLL Series Meetings are
held on the Internet at MomsOnline and ParentSoup. Live, interactive
chats offer a way to get a taste of La Leche League's mother-to-mother
support that will whet your appetite for in-person meetings with mothers
in your area. To read more about it online, check out our information
on LLLI Breastfeeding
Chats.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:30:49 UTC 2007.
