Staying Home Instead
Family Vacations
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 18, No. 5 September-October 2001 pp. 182-184
We provide articles from our publications from previous years for reference for our Leaders and members. Readers are cautioned to remember that research and medical information change over time.
"Staying Home Instead" is
a regular feature of the magazine NEW BEGINNINGS, published bimonthly
by La Leche League International. In this column, suggestions are offered
by readers of NEW BEGINNINGS to help parents who choose to stay at home
with their children. Various points of view are presented. Not all of
the information may be pertinent to your family's life-style. This information
is general in nature, and not intended to be advice, medical or otherwise.
Situation
My husband works long hours
and we're really looking forward to our vacation this summer. Since we're
a one-income family, we'll be renting a small apartment at the beach (no
fancy resorts for us!). Because our children (ages five, two, and six
months) don't see much of their father, they're not really used to having
him around. He's not used to our daily routine, and he isn't that good
at playing with them without structure. The children also tend to fight
a lot when they're together too much—particularly in strange places.
What can we do to help make our vacation a real holiday instead of a continual
struggle to get along?
Response
In preparation for your vacation,
I would suggest you sit down with your husband and discuss each other's
expectations for the trip, how each of you would like to spend your
time, and whether there are any particular things that you would like
to accomplish. Just knowing each person's hopes for the vacation before
you leave will help to reduce the tensions and frustrations of misunderstood
desires and the resulting disappointments. This "family meeting"
will also serve to give your trip a little structure and organization.
I find that my children, ages four and two, fight more when they are
bored and sense tension between me and my husband. Your husband may
appreciate both time to relax and some "stretch time" alone
with the children. Perhaps your husband could spend mornings alone on
the beach with the newspaper unwinding from his busy work life. Then
in the afternoons you could pack up the older children's necessities,
give your husband a few suggestions, and send the three of them out
for a few hours. I expect that, with a little guidance, when left on
his own with the children he will find his relationship with them developing
naturally, especially in an environment without the pressures and distractions of daily life.
Deirdre Van Amberg
Erlangen Germany
Response
I think it is great that
you are assessing the situation ahead of time because being proactive
sets everyone up for success. If you plan a few diversions that are
easy to, pack, quick to pull out, and don't create a lot of mess, you
can use them during times of chaos. Or, better yet, plan on using them
before the situation becomes a problem. I have a few ideas to share.
I like to bring play clay
because it appeals to children or many ages. If you add some toothpicks,
a cookie cutter, and some dull knives, your children will have some tools
that make it even more fun. If you use it outdoors there's less to clean
up!
Put a cup or two of rice
in a pan to play with. I like using a 9 x 13 baking pan, but you could
use a shallow cardboard box. If you have some small toys, they may like
to make small roads through the rice. Items from the kitchen such as
funnels and measuring cups are great, too. The best part is that no
matter how much rice ends up on the counter or the floor, it's easy
to clean up.
I use two-piece plastic
eggs all year long. My children always like finding eggs that are hidden
in the house or outside. You can fill the eggs with anything (small
toys or stickers, goldfish crackers, mini-marshmallows, small candies,
raisins). On vacation, you could hide them in a hotel room, campsite,
or cabin. You can also do this more than once in a day!
Shaving cream is so much
fun to play with in the shower or bath.
It might be helpful for you
to share these ideas ahead of time with your husband. It might inspire
some ideas from him for some new, fun activities and help him feel successful
at playing with his children.
Joan Keltgen-Lo
Puyallup WA USA
Response
I usually find our away-from-home
vacations stressful no matter how I plan in advance. It seems to me
as if someone usually winds up sick. I always seem to forget to pack
a few essential items, such as a beloved teddy bear. Then there are
car snacks, securing the house and pets, loading up the car, and just
getting there! The children feel that stress too. They often don't sleep
well in an unfamiliar place, and the busy schedule of sightseeing is
often too much. My suggestion is to take your vacation at home. You
don't have to pack or unpack and it's a lot less expensive. This would
be a great opportunity for your husband to become aware or your normal
routine. He'd have the chance to play with the children on their own
turf where they aren't battling each other for attention. You might
even get some time for yourself That's what vacations are all about!
Nikki Julien
Tumwater WA USA
Response
Try planning a loose schedule/routine
for each day. Make it as close as possible to the routine you already
have in place. Write it down and talk it over with your husband before
you go. Plan some things to do as a family, and also plan some things
for your husband to do one-on-one with each of the children. Include
some things for your husband to do with both older children. Even over planning
is often a good idea. If you have lots of things to choose from, you
wont get stuck not knowing what to do. You don't even have to do any
of the things you plan, if it turns out you are all having fun just
hanging out together and digging in the sand. But it will give you peace
of mind knowing that you have many activities to fall back on.
Also, try making up a bunch
of "tickets" (little rectangles of colored construction paper
with smiley face or something drawn on them). Present them to the two
older children as rewards throughout your trip. Give them each a special
container to put their tickets in. At the end of each day, let them
redeem their tickets for a special activity; for example, a "pony"
ride on Daddy's back, an extra bedtime story, or a "sing-along"
under the stars. If they want to, they can save some tickets for something
special at the end of the vacation, like a trip to an ice cream parlor,
or maybe a petting zoo. Make up a list of activities before you go,
and decide (with Daddy) how many tickets it will take for each activity.
Let the children in on it right before you leave, and don't give them
their containers until you get set up at your destination. You can start
giving tickets right away for riding quietly in the car and reading
books or playing with a toy.
Kelly Stinson
Ponder TX USA
Response
A beach vacation is the stuff
of dreams in my family. When I was growing up, we regularly went to
the beach for a week. This tradition lasted for almost 15 years! We
had a somewhat larger crowd, anywhere from 15 to 22 people, from grandparents
to infants.
To help things go smoothly,
I'd suggest that you agree on a game plan with your husband. What is
the goal of the vacation? Do you agree to stop an activity as soon as
the children show signs of needing something to eat or to take a nap?
If your husband likes to keep his schedule even on vacation he may be
willing to take a child for an early walk to get fresh bagels or doughnuts
for breakfast. Ask your husband to take some specific responsibilities
for the week such as preparing two dinners, making breakfast, finding
the cheapest place to play mini-golf, or whatever he wants to be responsible
for. This will help you enjoy your vacation as well. Let him know what
your expectations are.
Keep handy a list of games
that can be played on the beach and another list of indoor activities.
Any thing you can play in the snow can be adapted to the beach. Don't
forget Frisbees and kites. Beaches don't have power lines! We have Steven
Caney's Play Booka s well as other books with family activities.
Your local librarian can help you find some books to fit your need.
In the early morning hours, the beach tends to be empty. We always enjoyed
talking to people out fishing in the morning, and we saw baby sharks
and other creatures we would have missed otherwise. One of our favorite
toys as children was a glow stick tied to six or eight feet of string.
Once it was dark, we would throw our sticks into the waves and haul
them back out. The sticks can be kept for the next evening if you keep
them in the freezer (it slows the reaction and they will still be glowing
a bit the next day). We avoided the movies unless the weather was bad.
Look around the town! A local church where we went had basketball courts
on the parking lot and we often saw pickup games. A beach vacation doesn't
have to be expensive or routine. If you like your chosen beach, consider
inviting grandparents or other family in for next year. We only had
one activity that everyone needed to participate in during our week
at the beach: a dinner out. Other than that, we all just did each activity
with whomever wanted to go. If we missed meals, we got something to
eat for ourselves, since the mothers were on vacation too.
Barbara Gifford
Bedford OH USA
Response
Your question brings back
memories. My family has spent a week at a small, lakeside, family-owned
hotel every year since our first child was born. The years when the
children were small and into everything were tough, and my husband was
far too accustomed to his adult working life to be of much help. But
more than anything, those vacations taught me to enjoy family and let
go of agendas and expectations. A few suggestions:
Give your husband some
opportunities to relax on his own, with a book or an activity he enjoys.
He is not used to being around children all day and he'll be happier
if he doesn't overdose on family togetherness.
Prepare your husband for
the likelihood that everyone will not be happy all the time, that children
squabble and babies cry on vacation at least as much as they do at home.
It's tempting to bring
lots of stuff along for the children to do but managing "stuff'
takes a lot of mother's energy. Bring a few tried-and-true playthings,
the ones that encourage children to use their imagination. Paper and
markers, small cars, balls, and new sand toys (odd plastic containers
rummaged from the kitchen cabinets on the night before we left) were
our standbys.
Our best times were spent
in unstructured activities that, repeated day after day, vacation after
vacation, became family rituals. You'll have to discover what these
things are.
Finding rocks and throwing
them in the water can keep children and adults occupied for amazingly
long periods of time. We discovered that playing football in the shallow
water at the beach evens out the playing field for even the smallest
family members.
Keep your expectations realistic.
Away from home and the usual routine, young children will look to mother
for security. You can't change your husband's relationship with your
children in just a week, especially not in strange surroundings. But
you can find ways to enjoy being together. When the vacation is over,
keep talking about all the fun you had together, so that your husband
and children can build a closer relationship on this foundation by sharing
memories.
And when you yourself get
a moment of peace, however fleeting, don't forget to just sit there
and enjoy it. You deserve a vacation, too!
Gwen Gotsch
Oak Park IL USA
Last updated Thursday, October 19, 2006 by njb.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:30:02 UTC 2007.
