Recognizing and Coping with Stress
Kathleen Kendall-Tackett,
PhD
Henniker, NH, USA
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 37
No. 2, April-May 2001, pp. 27-28
Rejuvenation moments
Take 20 minutes for yourself
at least once every day. Read a book or record your favorite television
show to watch at a convenient time. Paint your nails, have a relaxing
bath by candlelight, or phone a friend. Take a walk, sit outside and
took at the stars, write in your journal, and pamper yourself!
Mothers work hard. It's not
unusual to run out of day before you run out of items on your "to
do" list. And Leaders are not immune to these pressures. We are
often more stressed than the mothers who call us for help. Before we
can be available to mothers and others in our lives, we must periodically
de-stress. if you're feeling frazzled, relief is in sight. You can live
life at a more manageable pace. But first, let's consider some of the
things that make us feel stressed.
Why Mothers Are Stressed
As we enter the dawn of the
21st century, we should recognize that some forms of stress are inherent
in our role as mothers, and others are unique to our age. See if any
of these sound familiar to you.
Too Much and Too Many
Too much clutter and too
many obligations are a common source of stress, and this problem can
take several forms. The US leads the world in many of these stressors,
but other nations are not far behind.
Driving
We've all heard the joke
"a mother's place is in the car." How true it is! The US Department
of Transportation estimates that a person with children travels 49 miles
a day - that is per person, not per family. Driving is a major stressor
for many mothers. Mothers drive children to school, extracurricular
activities, and appointments, making an average of 4.3 trips per day.
And this number is probably on the low side for many of you.
Housing
In many parts of the world,
housing costs are astronomical. Housing costs dictate many other lifestyle
choices, such as the type of job a person takes, the number of hours
he or she works, and how far a person commutes.
Housing costs have increased,
but so have our expectations. New houses being built in the US, for
example, are typically twice the size of houses built in the 1950s.
Paper
An average person handles
about 300 sheets of paper per day including catalogs, magazines, flyers,
newspapers, notes, junk mail, faxes, and school papers. In five days,
a family of five can accumulate 7,000 pages. In a month, this figure
jumps to 45,000 pages. Americans annually handle 660 pounds of paper,
and we save a lot of it. The average four-drawer filing cabinet holds
18,000 sheets of paper (Abramowitz and Matoon 1999).
Work
Americans are working too
much. We have recently surpassed the Japanese, and now have the longest
workweek of any industrialized nation. But other nations, particularly
in Asia, are not far behind. The number of people in the USA with second
jobs is at a record high. People now work the equivalent of eight weeks
longer per year than they did in 1969 (Armey 1996).
Debt
Families are incurring record
amounts of debt. Debt, unfortunately, severely influences families.
It dictates how much both mothers and fathers work and is a source of
chronic stress. Mothers often feel that they have no choice in whether
or not to seek outside employment. They sometimes have not one, but
two jobs (American Debt Management Services 1998).
Information
We are overwhelmed by information.
More books are published every day than you could read in a lifetime.
News is available 24 hours a day. Newspapers and magazines and nonstop
information are available via the Internet. This overload of information
begs the question of how much you really need to know.
The Long Arm of Technology
Modern technology has provided
us with items such as cellular telephones, laptop computers, and email.
No doubt about it, many of these are nice to have. But these innovations
have also increased our availability for work. How many times do people
check email - even on vacation? I recently went camping with my family
and noticed that each site was equipped with a computer hookup - in
a tent site!
While technology has opened
some wonderful avenues, such as the ability to work at home, it has
also increased the demands placed upon us. It used to be that only doctors
were on call. Now, an increasing number of "regular people"
are too.
Vacations
Whenever I travel, I'm amazed
at how stressed families are while on vacation. Theoretically, vacations
should be times of relaxation and refreshment. But often that is not
true. Because we are all working more, vacations can take on a more
work-like feel. First, we tend to work right up to the day we leave.
We spend a frantic couple of hours packing and preparing the house for
our departure, and this is usually a mother's responsibility. We may
drive or fly for hours, and even change time zones. Once there, we dash
from activity to activity We return home, only to go back to our daily
routines the very next day. Is it any wonder that we often return from
vacation more tired than when we left? How many of us have seen a stressed
out vacationing parent being short-tempered with their children, while
simultaneously commanding them to have "fun."
The Consequences of Life
in the Fast Lane
Of course, a life like ours
does not come cheaply. We are paying for it with our mental and physical
health. Here are some of the ways that fast-paced lifestyles negatively
affect you and your family.
Why Stress Is Bad for Us
Much has been written in
the past 40 years about the consequences of chronic stress. For starters,
chronic stress suppresses the immune system, which means you are more
likely to get sick and stay sick longer. When you are chronically stressed,
you are at higher risk for diabetes, osteoporosis, heart disease, and
hypertension. You may develop eczema or psoriasis. You are more likely
to suffer from chronic fatigue. Chronically elevated stress hormones
can even damage your brain. In sum, it is possible to make yourself
very ill when you are always under stress. Your physical health may
be affected to the point that you have no choice but to make major life
changes.
Why Stress Is Bad for Our
Children
When we're stressed, we are
not the only ones who suffer. Let's face it, stressed-out mothers are
simply not as available to meet the needs of others. And our children
need us. When we have more work than we can possibly do, when the mountain
of laundry threatens to overwhelm us, do we really have the ability
to listen to our children? If we are preoccupied, can we find out if
our children are being picked on, or that they are struggling with math,
or that their teacher yelled at them? Getting to know our children,
or anyone for that matter takes relaxed time. Spontaneous revelations
can occur while we are doing dishes, or walking, or watching the sunset.
What You Can Do
Fortunately, there are a
number of things you can do to make your life more manageable. Becoming
less stressed may take weeks or even months, but here's a couple of
suggestions that will help right now. Try to think of this as a journey
rather than a sprint.
Stop Describing Yourself
as "Busy"
When we're swamped, it's
easy to tell anyone who will listen that we are very, very busy. Resolve
right now to stop describing yourself that way. Your thoughts are very
powerful. Viewing a situation as negative releases stress hormones,
and this is not good for you! Mentally rehearsing your busyness accomplishes
absolutely nothing positive and is most likely harmful. Not only that,
everyone is busy these days. It's pretty boring to hear about the busyness
of others.
Guard Your Mind
Be careful about what you
allow in your mind. There is way too much information available on almost
any subject, and much of it is junk. Pay attention to what you watch,
listen to, and read. Even books or "art films" can be excessively
negative and nihilistic. Try to be selective and look for material that
builds you up and nourishes your spirit.
Take Care of Your Body
Often, when you are busy,
you are likely to neglect your body. This is something that you must
change. Mothers tend to put others first. While this is admirable in
one sense, it is not a good practice in the long run. You must learn
to strike a balance between your needs and the needs of your family.
And you cannot do that if you are constantly run down. Therefore, you
need to consider it a priority to eat well, exercise, sleep, get regular
medical checkups, and even a hair cut. Many of these things go by the
wayside when you are overloaded. How many of you get up early or go
to bed late so you can catch up on a few extra chores? If you're going
to dig yourself out of stress, then you must stop abusing your body.
Plan Restorative Vacations
Give some thought to your
leisure time. Are your vacations restorative or do you return from them
exhausted? Every family differs in what they enjoy and what they find
relaxing, but here are a few guidelines. Stay within your budget. There
are many inexpensive getaways. Don't add the stress of paying for your
trip over the next year (or more). Instead, try traveling to someplace
close to home. Go somewhere that will allow you to relax, too; don't
spend your time cooking and cleaning. While at your destination, set
a moderate pace and try to avoid a manic schedule of activities. Finally,
allow a day before your vacation starts to pack and prepare the house.
When you return, allow at least a day to unpack and slowly reenter normal
life.
Be Grateful for What You
Have
And finally, adopt an "attitude
of gratitude" by learning to be grateful for what you already have.
The stressed lifestyle always keeps us looking to what we don't have,
what we haven't accomplished, what's wrong with our lives. When we're
in the middle of things, it's hard to realize how blessed we really
are. How many of us can even fathom what it would be like to have half
of our children die before the age of five? Or to spend a large portion
of our day doing nothing but hauling water? Or worry about getting enough
to eat.? Even if we feel financially strapped, those of us who live
in the USA are most likely materially better off than women in other
times or who live in other cultures. Sometimes it's really helpful for
us to think about all the things that we take for granted and to be
truly grateful for them.
Learning to live life at
a more leisurely pace is good for you, your families, and the mothers
who come into your lives. Start today. You are worth it!
Mini-vacation
If a relaxing vacation away
from home is not possible or within your budget, consider taking a "mini-vacation"
without ever leaving home. Set aside a long weekend and spend it together
as a family. Let others know you will not be available for a few days,
If necessary, tell them you'll be away for the weekend! Cancel all outside
commitments; don't answer the phone or read the mail or turn on the
computer. Steep late, listen to music, play games, read an entertaining
book aloud. Tell stories of the past; share dreams of the future. Spend
all day in your robe and slippers. Talk, sing, hug, laugh, make a pot
of soup, bake bread, work on a craft project-together. Focus on your
family and enjoy the opportunity to get to know more about each other.
References
Abramowiwtz, J. N. and Matoon,
A. T. Cutting the Costs of Paper: Saving Forests, Water, Energy,...
and Money. Worldwatch Institute, 1999. www.worldwatch.org
American Debt Management
Services. Debt and Credit Card Statistics. 1998. www.ccsny.org
Armey, D. Time is money:
Economic crunch is taking time from parents and children. World.
1996; 3:10.
US Department of Transportation.
Transportation Statistics Annual Report, 1999. www.dat.gov
Kathleen Kendall-Tackett,
PhD, is a Leader in Henniker, New Hampshire, USA. She is mother to Ken
(10) and Chris (8). In her professional life, she is a health psychologist
and Research Associate at the Family Research Laboratory, University
of New Hampshire, a job she telecommutes to from home. She is also the
newly appointed chair of the New Hampshire Breastfeeding Promotion Task
Force. This article is excerpted from her newest book, The Hidden
Feelings of Motherhood. Coping with Mothering Stress, Depression and
Burnout. She will give a presentation on this topic at the LLLI
Conference in July 2001.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:31:14 UTC 2007.
