Understanding the Move-in Leader
Kathy Grossman
Sandy UT USA
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 38 No. 2, April-May 2002, pp. 32-33.
When a Leader relocates,
La Leche League often provides welcome continuity in the face of moving
upheaval. Not all Leaders are ready to jump into local LLL work immediately
upon arrival, however. The following thoughts and experiences from move-in
Leaders may help all Leaders be sensitive to the needs and feelings
of women who have recently arrived in a new community.
Experienced movers have often
characterized three stages of moving, an idea that is adapted for this
article from "After the Move: Adjustment Comes in Stages" from the February
6, 1984 issue of The Air Force Times Magazine. Each Leader and
each member of her family may go through these stages differently, at
different times, and spend different lengths of time in each stage.
There may also be some regressing into earlier stages from time to time.
The Action Stage
Characterized by action,
distraction, decision making, and organizing, this stage covers the
time when a move is first considered to several months or longer after
moving in.
Immediately after a move
is planned, a Leader may start drifting away from the geographical and
psychological center of her old home to the center of her new world.
She is distracted by the continuing responsibilities of her old home
as well as the responsibilities of arranging a home in a new place.
A Leader may decide to pull
back to basic Leader responsibilities or perhaps put LLL on hold during
this active stage of moving. She can be distracted by the swirl of emotions
involved in selling and buying a house; explaining things to her relatives,
neighbors, and children; planning good-byes; and arranging for haircuts,
dental and doctor visits, and other appointments one last time before
the move.
I remember being exhausted
in the last weeks before our move from Texas, USA, to Alaska, USA,
and people were wanting to host special parties and last luncheons
for me. I appreciated all the gestures and cakes, but sometimes I
just wanted to scream from the sheer weight of all the decisions,
negotiations, and struggling to appear gracious.
Kathy
Almost overnight, I went
from being the Listed Leader of a thriving Group to taking a temporary
leave of absence from all basic Leader responsibilities and Group
and Area work. Emotionally, it was surprisingly easy to let go of
these things because I knew they would go on without me.
Lisa
The moving Leader might
like to notify her new Area and local Groups of her impending arrival.
This notification can provide an opportunity for the incoming Leader
to feel LLL’s welcome in her new location. By contacting the Area Coordinator
of Leaders ahead of time, a Leader might be able to get copies of the
Area Leaders’ Letter, conference information, and other news that will
help her get settled into her new home and make decisions about LLL
involvement.
I contacted Sue Zuk (who
was the Coordinator of Leader Accreditation at that time) even before
we decided to move. My husband had a job interview in a different
town and I wanted to know if there was an LLL Group there. By the
time we moved to Erie, Pennsylvania, USA, I had been corresponding
with Sue for several months. I had been on the Area Council in Missouri,
USA for five years, so I immediately was interested in being an Associate
Coordinator of Leader Accreditation. That was a good decision for
me, as it was several months before I was needed to do much for the
Erie Group.
Amy
I called the local Galveston,
Texas, USA Leader from our hotel room right after moving from Ohio,
USA. It was a dream for Barb since she’d been a lone Leader for many
years. Then, six years later from my kitchen in Anchorage, Alaska,
USA I called a local Leader in Nova Scotia, Canada—five time zones
away—to tell her I’d be arriving in a few weeks. She drove up on the
day the moving van arrived with lunch and hugs.
Kathy
The Reaction Stage
This stage is characterized
by questioning the decision to move; feeling overwhelmed, irritable,
depressed; and alternately romanticizing and criticizing the old home,
neighbors, and LLL Group. A Leader may feel cautious about approaching
local Leaders, concerned that she will become involved in LLL work too
deeply and too quickly. This stage may last several months for some
women, or much longer for others, perhaps depending on the distance
traveled and the difference in culture experienced.
Our move to St. Joseph,
Missouri, USA, was complicated by the fact that the house we had originally
planned to move into was not available. Luckily, we found another
house to rent, but all of our boxes were labeled for the first house.
It took two weeks to find all my pots and pans. Additionally, the
local LLL Group had been founded by three out-of-town Leaders, so
I quickly found myself shouldering a heavy volume of phone helping
calls since I was the only Leader with a local number.
Amy
During an ice storm our
first winter in Ohio, USA, I remember being miserable as I looked
out at our ice-glazed trees, my crying baby, the messy house, all
the while dreading a necessary call to our landlord about the septic
tank that had backed up into the basement. I grumbled, "Why did Tom
have to make us move here?"
Kathy
A move-in Leader may want
to contact other local Leaders first and not attend Series Meetings
for a while. Or she may want to attend meetings at first but not lead.
A Chapter Meeting or District Workshop, where contact is limited to
Leaders and Leader Applicants, may be a way to gradually enter her new
LLL world.
A Leader may have plans to
do things very differently in her new location because of past experiences.
She may react poorly to pressure to decide which Group she’d like to
work with; she may not be oriented enough to the geography of the area
to recognize whether or not a Group is even near her new home. Some
Leaders choose to move into a new town very quietly, not even calling
local Leaders until they feel more settled and confident.
I knew I wouldn’t have
the emotional energy to get involved with a local LLL Group right
away, but I wanted the continuity that LLL could provide during my
relocation to Texas. I chose to continue my Division work as a way
of maintaining my connection to LLL. I also decided to attend Chapter
Meetings as a way of getting to know local Leaders without having
to commit to local activities.
Lisa
When we moved to Nome,
Alaska, USA, there was no local Group. I offered to edit the Area
Leaders’ Letter, but chose not to start a Group even though there
was a great need. I was feeling very protective of my family and my
time.
Kathy
The Integration Stage
This stage is characterized
by a feeling of being settled; appreciation for local stores, attractions,
and geography; feeling more comfortable with the decision to move; and
the emotional response that "this is home." A Leader may now feel confident
to start leading with a local Group or try an Area Council commitment.
In this stage, a move-in
Leader gains the feeling of being centered in her new town. She may
sometimes regress into feeling alienated and emotional at times but
mostly this stage is a time of enjoyment and the sense of looking ahead
instead of regretting former decisions. She may be ready to commit to
one certain Group now. She may even feel as if her household is organized
enough to accept the extra responsibilities (and the files boxes) of
an Area, Division, or Affiliate position.
I felt settled in Pittsburgh,
Pennsylvania, USA, when I went to a local annual herb sale and chatted
with a woman about some local restaurants, all of which I had been
to. The contrast with the disoriented woman I had been two years ago
at that same sale was incredible!
Kathy
We hope these thoughts will
help you with accepting, understanding, and welcoming the move-in Leader
who has entered your LLL life, or with anticipating and planning a move
yourself.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:32:07 UTC 2007.
