Initial Thoughts
from LEAVEN, Vol. 34 No.
2, April - May 1998, pp. 26
by Diane Wiessinger, MS, IBCLC
Ithaca, New York, USA
I have initials after my
name. Big deal. The "MS" means that at one time I knew something about
dust-bathing behavior in bobwhite quail. The "IBCLC" means that I know
something about breastfeeding. But what do we "old Leaders" have to
offer mothers that "new Leaders" don't have? Not very much. When I flip
back through my first log book, which began in 1985, I'm humbled by
the empathy, creativity and "woman wisdom" I had when I didn't have
so much "book learning."
Here is one of my all-time
favorite helping situations. Note how heavily I relied on technical
expertise! "Nancy" had talked to me repeatedly about her first child--new
baby concerns and going back to work issues, mostly. She tried to contact
me a few days after her second child was born because she had sore nipples.
I was out of town, so she called her sister instead. It's a good thing
she didn't get hold of me; I would have talked about the mechanics of
good positioning. Her sister simply told her to send the company away,
pour a pitcher of juice or water and crawl into bed with the baby. When
I returned her call a few days later, everything was fine.
But she called me about a
month later in tears. "I'm afraid I'm just not going to be able to nurse
this baby. He never sleeps, I never sleep, he's fussy and gassy all
the time, he hates to nurse.. .and I think he hates me." I went to her
house, expecting to see a desperately thin baby, but Jonathan was nicely
filled-out, though speckled with baby acne.
"Lie down on the couch while
we talk," I suggested. "Don't stand if you can sit, don't sit if you
can lie down and don't just lie down if you can sleep." I had to keep
reminding her to lie down as we talked because she kept bouncing up.
Since Jonathan was awake,
I held him for her, using my favorite fussy baby position or "colic
hold": hand in crotch, baby's front along my forearm with one of his
arms on either side of my arm, baby's head near my elbow. As we talked,
Jonathan settled in my arms (still in the magic "colic hold") and went
to sleep. His mother began to settle down, too.
It turned out they were due
to move to Ohio in two weeks and she hadn't started packing. I asked
her if she had made a point of nursing Jonathan on both sides each time,
and she said, "Well, I try to." (See Finish the First Breast First,
LEAVEN, Sept/Oct 1995.) Automatically using both breasts at each
nursing--taking the baby off the first side in order to make sure he
also takes the second side--can contribute to gassiness, fussiness,
frequent green or mucousy stools and stressful nursings. It's an important
issue to keep in mind and the only real breastfeeding insight I needed
here.
We talked about ways to simplify
moving, ways in which Jonathan was different from his big sister, how
tough it was with all the responsibilities she had. After a while, on
a hunch, I asked her if she loved Jonathan yet. She started to cry.
"Hey, I didn't love either of mine at first," I said. "I can remember
looking down at my son on the changing table and saying to him. 'I'd
defend you with my life, but I don't really love you.' For some lucky
people it comes like a thunderclap. For some of us, it just has to grow.
And it will."
We talked about nursing on
just one side if that's all the baby wants. When Jonathan woke up, she
had a nice leisurely, lying-down nursing with him, all on one side.
Other ideas we came up with:
Use only paper plates and fast food for the next two weeks; husband's
job was to stop by a fast food place after work and bring supper home
with him. Take the church friends up on their offer to help with packing;
it's just too big a job for a new mother. Don't try to shift Jonathan
to the second side if he's happy on the first side. Use the colic hold
if it helps. As much as possible, lie down and watch videos with the
two-year-old to get some rest while the little one is entertained.
Nothing very fancy there.
I had figured out the colic hold for myself years and she probably would
have too if she hadn't been so stressed in other ways. The same goes
with one-sided nursing. I learned that from my baby, not from a book.
But what meant the most to her was simply realizing that her son was
different from her daughter, that what had worked for one wouldn't automatically
work for the other. I got a note from her after the move. Everyone was
doing well. And, of course, she loved her son.
To me, that visit was the
heart of La Leche League. Sure, Leaders need to know a great deal about
breastfeeding. But just as important, we help mothers learn the creative,
roll-with-the-punches attitude that every mother needs--and that many
new mothers forget in the heat of the moment. We don't just impart breastfeeding
information. We help her learn about mothering. And that doesn't come
from any book. It comes--very simply and very importantly--from being
a mother. What are the initials we all have that count the most? M.O.M.
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