Body Language:
One More Tool For Communication
Ellen Johansen
East Hampton, New York, USA
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 35 No. 6, December 1999-January 2000, p. 140
I'm a novice at reading body
language. I really began to think about it after being trained as an
HRE Instructor. It has come more and more to mind as I examine the world
around me. I was watching a television show with my daughter the other
day and found myself wondering what made this show so effective. There
was a blue dog (named Blue Clue) helping children find neat clues in
the most unlikely places and there was something else that made it especially
engaging to me. The male actor who was Blue Clue's friend used incredibly
expressive body language to communicate everything. Fascinated, I observed
these cues to see if they enhanced what he was actually saying. He was
speaking in very simple sentences. However I understood more than he
was verbalizing because he was employing body language. He captivated
me with his concerned eyes. I wanted to go with him as he excitedly
waved me into the picture of imagination. When his body expressed puzzlement,
I wanted to find the answers. I found myself liking and trusting him.
Body language is the number
one connector between people. Learning how to read it will aid in understanding
what is being said. It can help to identify a new mother's problem when
her question doesn't seem to match her body language. It gives insight
into the effects of confrontation and it gives instant feedback in a
group situation. Robert Bolton, author of People Skills, says,
"A person cannot not communicate. Though she may decide to stop
talking, it is impossible to stop behaving. The behavior of a person
- her facial expression, posture, gestures and other actions - provide
an uninterrupted stream of information and a constant source of clues
to the feeling she is experiencing. The reading of body language, therefore
is one of the most significant skills to good listening."
The other day, during a typical
La Leche League meeting, I had the opportunity to use my new found skill.
As my co-Leader was going through the advantages of breastfeeding, I
studied the people around the room, it suddenly became very clear to
me that people reacted immediately to what my co-Leader was saying.
It may not have been verbal, but each mother had a response to the information
that was being offered. When someone mentioned the family bed, I saw
a newly pregnant mother squirm. Though I didn't know her well enough
to be sure, my guess was that she was uncomfortable with the idea. There
were several times when I saw a Group member lean forward in a very
eager manner and I knew that she wanted to contribute to the conversation.
I could tell when one participant was ready to leave because she sat
on the edge of her seat and kept looking at her watch. It was astonishing
to see this silent world of communication unfolding before my eyes.
I noticed one mother in particular.
Most people were silently involved, their bodies comfortable in their
chairs, their babies nursing contentedly - all but one, whose body seemed
tense. She was hunched over in her chair, her baby in a carrier on the
floor next to her. She seemed to become more and more uncomfortable.
Her face became red and her eyes swollen. Finally, she covered her eyes
with her hands; when she removed them they were rimmed with tears. I
waited until the end of the meeting when she was getting ready to leave.
I approached her and said, "I noticed that you were feeling distressed
during the meeting." Immediately tears began to flow and her troubles
came pouring out. After a few hugs and much listening we began to find
a way to meet her needs. Body language was my key to opening a helping
conversation with this mother.
One evening I experimented
with my own body language during our family dinner-table conversation
and had surprising results. I found that when I exaggerated my own movements,
displaying good attending behavior, the most interesting thing began
to occur. As I sat on the edge of my seat, displayed good eye contact,
and leaned toward the person who was speaking, there was more listening
at the table. Or maybe I was listening more because I was aware of my
body language. I concluded that the listener's body language is just
as important as the body language of those we are listening to.
What about helping a mother
on the phone? How can you respond to body language when none is visibly
apparent? I have found that there are many vocal clues that a Leader
can tune in to in order to get the emotional meaning behind the words.
By noticing the pitch of the voice and the rhythm of speech you get
a sense of how the speaker is feeling and then you can mirror it back
in words to confirm whether you heard correctly. When you hear a mother
speak quickly in a high tone you may suspect that she is feeling anxious;
if she sounds abrupt, she may be feeling defensive. A high pitch or
drawn-out sound could mean disbelief. Try closing your eyes and imagining
what the mother looks like as she speaks. This can connect what you
hear with a body language that makes sense. You can confirm your observations
by saying something like, "I hear that you feel anxious because
you can't seem to get the answers you need from your doctor." If
you are right, you will have increased your credibility and if you are
wrong, she will tell you and you will know more about what she is feeling.
I've found that the more
I concentrate on body language, the better I get at it. If you want
practice in strengthening your ability to read body language, observe
the people you see around you this month. How many different emotions
does your family communicate to you with their movements? What do your
children tell you without ever opening their mouths? Take a minute to
notice the participants at your monthly Series Meeting. What do they
tell you with their eyes, a lift of the brow, their hands and even where
they sit at the meeting? How does body language differ between a new
mother and a mother of a two-year-old? Set aside some time to change
your listening pose and see how much difference it makes in how the
other person talks to you and how much you hear. All of these exercises
will heighten your sensitivity to this special language and help you
to become a better communicator and a better helper.
Learn to Read Body Language
to
- Gain accurate feedback
about how your words are being received
- Gain insight into the
effects of confrontation
- Start a conversation
- Confront people about
the discrepancy between what their body language is conveying
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:31:19 UTC 2007.
