Why I Love Toddler Meetings
Laura Wilder
Houston TX USA
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 40 No. 6, December 2004 - January 2005, pp. 134-35.
I lead a monthly Toddler
Meeting where we usually have mothers and toddlers who have "graduated"
from regular Series Meetings. I’m usually pretty relaxed about
my introduction and announcements. But, every now and then, we get a
mother of a nursing toddler who has never been to a La Leche League
meeting; one of the regulars brings her mother, who has never been around
LLL; or a mother, who meant to attend the regular meeting, will attend.
In these instances, I make sure these mothers get a Welcome Packet and
I make sure to mention the history of La Leche League and membership
benefits during my introduction. I also emphasize the standard "take
what you want and leave the rest" statement.
One thing that I’m sure
to say when the mother of an infant attends is that, while I want them
to be sure to get their questions answered before they leave, I will
first focus on the concerns of the toddlers’ mother. I go on to
explain how LLL supports mothers in their decision to nurse their babies,
whether it’s for six weeks, six months, or six years. I tell them
that when a mother decides to nurse longer than the cultural norm, the
mother-to-mother helping tips and the emotional support she receives
at Toddler Meetings are as important as the information and emotional
support that new mothers receive at the Series Meetings. I explain that
the regular LLL Series Meetings are geared toward answering questions
from pregnant women and mothers of infants, and, oftentimes, mothers
of toddlers don’t get the chance to have their concerns heard,
so today is their day to come first. I believe this helps the mothers
of the toddlers feel that their concerns are important and valid and
I believe that it instills self-confidence in their choice to nurse
past infancy.
I’ve also heard mothers
of toddlers say that even when there is time to bring up their concerns
at Series Meetings, they are sometimes reluctant to do so because they
worry that it might sound negative to a pregnant woman or the mother
of an infant. They worry that it might discourage those new to breastfeeding,
or cause them to think, "Why do this if I’m still going to
have problems down the road?"
I encourage them to keep
attending their local regular Series Meeting where their experiences
can be helpful to the new mothers. Just by being at the regular Series
Meeting with their nursing toddlers, they invite new mothers to realize
that extended nursing is an option and that there must be benefits to
it or these mothers wouldn’t be doing it. I point out that an LLL
meeting is a safe place to bring up negative-sounding concerns, that
others at the meeting aren’t going to suggest weaning for every
problem that arises, as can happen when well-meaning friends and family
hear a breastfeeding mother make any kind of complaint. I like to ask
if any mothers regret nursing into the toddler stage, if any of the
hassles they’ve encountered make them wish they’d weaned their
child earlier. In case the mother with the infant is wondering about
that herself, she can hear from the mothers that the pros of extended
nursing outweigh the cons.
And even when a mother has
decided that she’s ready to wean, she can help her child through
the process gradually, keeping the child’s needs in mind. Some
mothers of toddlers do come to the meeting for tips on weaning. These
mothers are usually the ones who have never been to LLL and are sometimes
worried that we are going to try to talk them out of weaning. We talk
about keeping the weaning process from being traumatic for mother and
child. There are usually one or two mothers who have done some type
of weaning, whether it be night weaning, weaning from nursing in public,
or maybe weaning an older child. These mothers share what worked and
didn’t work for them during the process.
Sometimes the mothers who
come looking for tips on weaning realize at our meeting that they aren’t
really ready to wean. They were feeling the pressure to wean from family
or friends, and after seeing all these other nursing toddlers, they
see that they aren’t the only ones out there and that they aren’t
so strange after all. They leave the meeting with a renewed commitment
to parent the way they feel is right for their family.
I don’t like to think
of myself as lazy. I like the terms laid back or relaxed. They have
a much more positive tone than lazy. But leading Toddler Meetings does
make me feel a bit guilty about how easy they are! I really don’t
do any preparation beyond printing the sign-in sheet, checking to see
which topic I’m on, and thinking up one or two discussion questions
that address the topic. At a monthly Toddler Meeting, we follow the
same four series topics as the regular Series Meetings, only we relate
the topics to toddlers instead of infants. But I generally hold the
discussion questions as a reserve in case the mothers don’t have
any toddler issues or immediate concerns. It is very rare that we ever
need the prepared questions. Mothers with toddlers always seem to have
something they want to talk about—from night nursing to biting
to nursing through a pregnancy to tandem nursing.
After all the toddler concerns
are addressed, I turn to the mother of an infant and allow her to ask
her questions. She gets some wonderfully focused attention from these
experienced mothers of toddlers who are happy to answer her questions
or help her with whatever problems she’s experiencing. When a mother
with an infant accidentally comes to our Toddler Meeting, not only does
she get her questions answered in a one-on-one setting, but she’s
been exposed to the ideas of extended nursing, nursing through pregnancy,
and tandem nursing. She’s learned that even though it may not be
bliss all the time, there are many benefits, and if she decides to nurse
past infancy, she knows she has a place she can come to and be around
others who have made similar choices.
I love leading Toddler Meetings
because I’m helping these mothers feel good about the choices they’ve
made. I see some of them go from not being sure if nursing a toddler
is right for them to being a staunch advocate of child-led weaning.
I love providing a comfort zone for these mothers. I love hearing a
mother say, "Ah, this is what I’ve been missing!" I love
helping that grandmother see what it is about LLL that her daughter
enjoys so much. I love exposing a mother of an infant to new ideas.
Leaders who are leading Toddler
Meetings, whether it’s monthly, once a series, or once a year,
know that what you are doing is invaluable, not only for mothers of
toddlers, but for mothers of infants, too.
Laura Wilder leads with
the LLL Houston Metropolitan Toddler Group in Houston, Texas, USA. She
has been a Leader for 17 years. She and her husband, Greg, have five
children: William (21), Richard (19), Michael (16), and Mary and Walter
(14). Laura has focused her LLL energy on leading Toddler Meetings for
the last 5 years. Brandel D. Falk is Contributing Editor for this column.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:31:37 UTC 2007.
