Setting the
Stage for Acceptance
Melissa Clark Vickers
Marietta, Georgia USA
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 28 No. 3, May-June 1993, pp. 42-43
Have you ever walked into
a meeting of an organization you were curious about and decided whether
or not to come back next time based on what happened during the first
ten minutes? First impressions of a person or an organization can make
or break a potential relationship. Perhaps nowhere is this more true
than at a La Leche League meeting!
So what makes the difference
between the meeting that makes newcomers want to return and the meeting
that drives them away? In a word, acceptance.
Picture the following scenario:
A new mother has heard about LLL as a place to meet other nursing mothers.
She is not quite comfortable in her new role as a mother and while breastfeeding
is going okay, she has doubts and questions typical of a mother learning
to nurse. As she walks in the door she notices other mothers busily
engaged in conversations. Toddlers run around the room, some mothers
(the Leaders) arrange chairs. She sits down and looks around a bit before
nervously focusing her attention on her newborn. She notices one mother
getting ready to nurse a large toddler, she overhears mothers making
negative comments about bottle feeding, three other mothers are discussing
their home births.
The Leader calls the meeting
to order and launches into the topic of the day, which happens to be
weaning. Many of the mothers join in and announce proudly that they
would never think of initiating weaning, and that they found nursing
their two-, three-, and four-year-olds to be rewarding. The new mother
thinks about her tender nipples, her lack of sleep, and the seemingly
constant nursing sessions. She sits back, crosses her arms, and leaves
as soon as the meeting adjourns.
It isn't too difficult to
figure out that this mother is not likely to return next month! So the
question becomes what could have been done to make this mother feel
accepted, comfortable, or interested enough to return?
In the scenario above, many
things were happening that contributed to this mother's poor impression
of LLL. Leaders have control over some of these things and no control
over others. We can only hope to lessen the impact.
The First Impression
With a little planning and
effort. Leaders can make the newcomer feel welcome from the moment she
walks in the door. It helps to have a sign outside the meeting location
to assure the newcomer that she is in the right place.
Another strategy for creating
a good first impression is to assign one or more Leaders, Leader Applicants,
or reliable LLL mothers to be greeter(s). Greeters can serve a number
of useful purposes. First having a greeter is a wonderful way of welcoming
a new mother. The greeter lets her know where to sit, where the library
and refreshments are, etc. Second, the greeter may be able to find out
the mother's main purpose for being at the meeting, whether she has
a specific problem, is there to make new friends, or just needs someone
to tell her she is doing a great job! The greeter can pass along this
information to the Leader in charge of the meeting so the Leader has
a better opportunity to address the needs of the new mother. Third,
by getting to know the greeter a bit before the meeting, the new mother
may be more likely to open up to others. The greeter may be able to
introduce the new mother to another mother in a similar situation for
mutual support. Also, having a designated greeter can mean that the
first person the new mother talks to is representative of what LLL is
all about.
This is the time the Leader
has the best chance for exerting indirect control over things that help
create the first impression of LLL. She can make sure that co- Leaders,
Leader Applicants, and /or Group workers are interspersed with new mothers.
This is a great way to help Leader Applicants and potential Applicants
to begin to make the transition from one who is there mostly to receive
support to one who is there to give support.
A Leader's opening statement
is the first official opportunity she has to set the stage for acceptance.
It should be well planned ahead of time to make sure everything that
needs to be said is actually said. It is a good opportunity to relate
a brief history of LLL, its mission and purpose. as well as to explain
the nature of the series meetings. Housekeeping issues can be addressed
as well (any restrictions, location of snacks and toilet facilities,
a plea to watch out for the needs of their own children, etc.).
The rest of the opening statement
should be concerned with creating that aura of acceptance we strive
for. Each Group will have a different opening statement. For example,
if there is more than one Leader in your Group, all the Leaders should
be introduced so that mothers with questions know whom to speak with
to get the most accurate information. This is also the time to let mothers
know that they are free to take what they can use and leave the rest
as they see fit. This is especially important for a Group with a lot
of toddlers, who will inevitably want to nurse in the middle of the
meetings. You'll need to assure mothers that nursing is a personal relationship
between a mother and her baby and that only she knows what is best for
her situation. Not only does a statement like this let new mothers know
that it is okay to disagree with what she hears, it also lets her know
that LLL members are a diverse group!
Another suggestion that can
help put new mothers at ease is the use of an icebreaker question in
conjunction with an introduction of mothers and children. The use of
humor in an icebreaker can create laughter which is one of the best
ways to make people feel comfortable!
It can be very helpful to
ripen the discussion by asking if anybody has a particular concern.
By doing this, you run the risk of not having time to do what you had
planned, but from the standpoint of the mother who came for a specific
reason, this makes a powerful statement: we are here help mothers. Some
questions may require a lot of time and may only pertain to one particular
mother. In this case it is reasonable to briefly respond to the mother
and then offer to talk to her after the meeting adjourns. Some questions
will be of a nature that affects many mothers at the meeting for which
the experienced mothers can offer help and support. These are the questions
that may justify throwing out the meeting plan. Projecting acceptance
may require a lot of flexibility!
Perhaps the one thing that
Leaders have no control over is what other mothers say. Statements that
go completely against LLL philosophy, or take the philosophy to an extreme,
make many mothers uncomfortable. These statements require every ounce
of our leading ability to respond in a way that will promote acceptance.
It is important that we acknowledge the speaker's experience but at
the same time make LLL philosophy clear, "Mary, it sounds as though
that worked really well for you. Let me tell you what THE WOMANLY ART
OF BREASTFEEDING has to say about that. . . . " It also helps to
remind mothers that they need to make the decisions that are right for
them.
One Last Chance
As the meeting begins to
draw to a close, the Leader has one last chance to make that first impression
a positive one. This can be an open invitation to stay around after
the meeting and get to know other members, or perhaps even another restating
of LLL's mission. After adjourning the meeting, it can be helpful for
the Leaders to seek out those newcomers and make sure they received
the help they needed and to invite them to return next month.
Acceptance is simply a matter
of making everyone feel comfortable and a valued part of the Group.
This doesn't mean asking them to conform, but instead reminding ourselves
that we help mothers by saying things like "many mothers have found...."
New viewpoints add new Group members which help us to continue to help
new mothers learn the art of breastfeeding.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:32:22 UTC 2007.
