Seasons of
a Woman's Life
Presented by
Nancy Franklin, LMSW-ACP
Reported by Lisa Eller-Smith
Greensboro, North Carolina, USA
From: LEAVEN, Vol. 35 No. 5, October-November 1999, pp. 106
(This article is a report
on a 1999 LLLI Conference session.)
A woman goes through many
passages during her life. When she is in her twenties, she focuses on
setting goals. She feels invulnerable and has little awareness that
outside forces can get in her way. Friendships with other women may
be complicated. She is searching for a love relationship, and in her
subconscious, other women may present a threat to her prospects of having
children.
By the time she is in her
fifties and sixties, a woman has developed a richness of friendships
with other women. These friendships and a new verve for life help her
determine and understand her individuality. She has reared her children
through adolescence and into adulthood. And now it is time to reflect
and accept her own life. It's the culmination of a journey that begins
in infancy.
Nancy Franklin, an LLL Leader
for 22 years and family therapist in Texas, concentrated on this journey
during her session "Seasons of a Woman's life" at the LLLI
Conference. She used Erik Erikson's eight stages of psychological development
as an overview to show what we have to learn as we age and mature. Known
as the father of the study of psychological development, Erikson focused
on the influence of society and culture on child development during
his career.
1. During the first stage,
trust vs. mistrust, the infant must form her first loving and trusting
relationship with her mother. She needs to trust that her mother will
care for her.
2. During the autonomy vs.
shame and doubt stage (ages 18 months-three years), the child's energy
is directed toward learning physical skills and her ever-increasing
ability to exercise her will.
3. She continues to become
more assertive during the initiative vs. guilt stage (three-six years).
She envisions and pursues her goals, but may feel guilty if she is too
forceful.
4. The industry vs. inferiority
stage (6-12 years) is a time when the child must deal with demands to
learn new skills or risk feeling inferior.
5. During adolescence, the
identity vs. role confusion stage (12-18 years) brings about the opportunity
for the teenager to achieve a sense of identity. Her behavior is inconsistent
and unpredictable.
6. As a young adult, she
develops intimate relationships during the intimacy vs. isolation stage
(ages 19-40) or suffers feelings of isolation.
7. During middle adulthood,
the generativity vs. stagnation stage (40-65 years), her main focus
is parenting and she must find ways to support the next generation.
She is a mentor, caring, teaching and expressing concerns for others.
8. And finally, she reflects
and accepts her life during the integrity vs. despair stage (65 to death).
She has a true understanding of herself and of feeling fulfilled. She
has wisdom.
Through the mature years,
we come to realize our journey will end much as it began. The same loving
and trusting relationship we sought with our mothers as infants, we
must eventually have with ourselves or suffer despair and languish.
"You are your own firstborn," Franklin reminded everyone.
"How are you treating her today?" Maturity is a time of "trusting
that knowing within you," Franklin said.
But before we find wisdom,
we must go through the stages, recognizing the transitions between them.
Our lives are disrupted, Franklin noted, when "we don't do closure
on our endings." When there are a number of transitions occurring
simultaneously, women get out of balance. Some of the symptoms that
indicate we are out of balance are anger, depression, fatigue, forgetfulness,
disorganization, physiological problems, isolation and addictive behavior.
Before this imbalance occurs, women need to say goodbye to main episodes
in their lives, "then we can pick out a new beginning," Franklin
said. "You can't know where you're going until you know where you
are," she emphasized.
To help illustrate this point,
Franklin drew four interconnecting circles that encompass a person's
holistic components: emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical. We
need to tend to each of these on a regular basis. "You know what
you need, " Franklin said, "and if you don't, you need to
find out."
Life is what happens to you
while you're making plans, she continued. Women in their twenties employ
rigid planning and think of procreation. Women in their thirties and
forties focus on marriage and family. They tend to juggle many things,
begin to recognize their physical limitations and think about what they
"should" be doing. Women in their fifties contemplate and
experience peri-menopause and menopause while they embrace a new enthusiasm
for living. At sixty and seventy, women experience the empty nest, mentoring,
travel and peace.
These linear overviews help
us see our pasts and our futures. Yet, Franklin pointed out, healthy
people live in the present and know that the future is now. And because
women are flexible--it's our flexibility that makes us uniquely female--we
can live in the now, seeing the plan evolve. We talk around it. We share.
We learn to listen to that still, small voice inside us.
By working in groups, we
know we aren 't alone. "You have to know yourself," Franklin
said. "You have to stay with women who believe that." Which
is why La Leche League turns out to be such a wonderful place for women
to make their journeys. In LLL we have friendships. We can hear the
voices within us as we help each other and ourselves. We have our past,
present and future. "We need connection with the younger women,"
she said, "and they need us. "
For Further Reading:
Hunter, Brenda. In the
Company of Women.
Pipher, Mary. Another
Country; Reviving Ophelia; The Shelter of Each Other.
Sheedy, Gail. Passages;
New Passages.
Sher, Barbara. Wishcraft;
It's Only Too Late if You Don't Start Now.
Wells, Rebecca. Divine
Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.
Page last edited Sun Oct 14 09:32:04 UTC 2007.
